Perfectionist parents, stop!
Your pursuit of perfection turns children into insecure adults, incapable of making bold decisions.
Psychologist Dr. Tim Elmore in his book “Parenting Without Limits” calls this mistake the main reason for life failures.
The Killer Mistake: Overprotection and Deprivation of Independence
Do you do your child's homework, choose friends, decide what hobby is "suitable" for him? Congratulations - you are raising a person who is afraid of his own shadow.
Research by Moscow State Pedagogical University shows that children deprived of the right to choose lose interest in learning about the world by the age of 10.
Why is it dangerous?
- Learned helplessness. The child stops believing in his own strength. Psychologist Elena Beregovaya gives an example: teenagers from overprotective families are 3 times more likely to drop out of university due to fear of failure.
- Infantilism. Adults whose parents made all the decisions for them don’t know how to budget, build a career, or maintain relationships. The Psy Institute magazine calls this “eternal student syndrome.”
- Identity crisis. “Who do I want to be?” is the question that sends them into a panic. According to AIF , 67% of such people have not found their calling by the age of 30.
Maria, 34: “My mother controlled my every step. Now I can’t even choose a dress without my husband’s approval.”
What to do
- Allow for mistakes. A broken cup is not a tragedy, but a lesson in accuracy.
- Ask for opinions. “Where do you think we should go today?” is a simple question that develops critical thinking.
- Encourage initiative. Psychologist Yulia Bystrova advises: “Let the child plan his own day – even if at first it will be chaos” 2.
Test yourself: If you find yourself saying “I know better” more often than “What do you want?” it’s time to change your approach.
