First, we need to understand the origins of emotions in children.
Tatyana Vinogradova, a psychologist at the St. Petersburg Center for Psychological Support and Psychocorrection, told how to help a child cope with emotions.
And here the problem of many parents immediately arises, who take the manifestation of certain children’s emotions for granted.
For example, a child throws a tantrum in a store because he wants a toy. And his parents, so that he doesn’t cry, buy him this toy, that is, they acknowledged that children’s emotions have a place to be.
In fact, every child is a blank slate. He came into this world and doesn’t know how to behave, he’s not familiar with these emotions.
Where does everything come from then?
The father came home from work angry or tired. The child sees this, but he does not know why and already begins to get used to this emotion. He does not understand it, but begins to use it everywhere, because the father is an authority.
Or, for example, a mother is afraid that her child will get sick, that she will be fired from work, that there won't be enough money, that she had a fight with her parents. The child also begins to worry, to be afraid, he doesn't know the reason for this.
He doesn’t understand what these emotions mean, but since the mother is an authority, she experiences this emotion, which means the child will also experience it.
Children also constantly test boundaries, that is, they need to understand what they can do in this world and what they can't. Therefore, they test the boundaries of what is permitted by excessive emotion, shouting, and some strange behavior for us.
Some children are used to achieving everything by manipulating their emotions. What kind of person will they become as adults, what kind of person will they grow up to be? After all, this can become a favorite, even unconscious, behavior strategy.
But if a mother explains to her child from the age of three the meaning of emotions, what happens when he feels joy, sadness, or what happens when he is afraid, and goes through these stages with him using an example, then the child begins to understand himself.
Such a child will definitely not throw uncontrollable tantrums in public places.
How to help a child cope with emotions when they have already overwhelmed him? We do not divide into age periods now, even if he is already an adult, an adult. Here a lot depends on the loved one who sees this emotion.
It is very important that he does not take it upon himself, does not become infected with it. For example, some aggression or some uncontrollable grief, when the child simply cries, waves his arms, stamps his feet.
An adult needs to understand what emotion he is currently experiencing.
This is possible when you are not triggered by a child’s crying, screaming, when you are not trying to save the child, but understand, as an adult, that it is legal that a child can experience some emotions.
It is also necessary to listen carefully to the child, ask what happened. And when you listen without trying to add anything of your own, the child freely expresses everything that has accumulated in him. Sometimes it happens that you need to listen silently.
When a child cries, you should approach him and tell him that you understand him. At the same time, remain neutral, that is, do not give in to emotions, even though you sympathize and worry with all your might. The main feeling that should be in this close adult who calms the child is the feeling of unconditional love.
Another way or technique to teach a child to cope with their emotions is to imagine yourself as a container or storage of the child's emotions. And invite them to share their emotions with you.
No matter how old he is now, his psyche is growing, he is maturing. He is three years old, five years old or older, he is constantly experiencing some new changes in his body, and he does not understand how to cope with it.
Just imagine yourself as an open container into which you can put these emotions: not take them away illegally, but take them for temporary care, for storage, to help the child.
This approach will build a strong, trusting relationship between you and your child. After all, it means that he can show you any of his emotions, express and give them, and not suppress them, thereby destroying himself.
And then you will notice that he will not only begin to cope with his emotions, understand them and himself, but will also become more conscious in managing what is happening to him.
