Understanding the motives of children's behavior will help answer this question.
Psychologist Tatyana Vinogradova explained why children quarrel: a mistake made by parents.
Through various ways of interacting with each other, including arguing, fighting, and name-calling, children test their personal boundaries and the boundaries of their peers, that is, what is and is not allowed to be said and done.
Of course, this happens unconsciously, but is dictated by the psyche itself for its upbringing and development.
Also, when children quarrel, especially school-age children, for them it is a form of friendship. That is, a quarrel is perceived as a form of overcoming obstacles.
Through such quarrels the strength of the relationship is tested. The child is convinced that he wants or does not want to be friends with this person.
What mistake can parents make here?
Start interfering. This prevents the quarrel from ending. What can this lead to? To the child not receiving important life experience.
For example, a boy was laughed at or even bullied at school. He himself has not yet asked for help, has not realized that this type of relationship does not suit him and has not decided how to get out of the situation.
But mom came, chased everyone away, made a scandal, wrote to the parents of her son's offenders. What will happen next?
Firstly, no one is friends with the boy anymore, because everything was decided for him. Secondly, he did not have time to understand his experience, how to react to it. In order to grow psychologically, a child literally needs to get a certain amount of beatings.
Only in this way will he build his own life strategy, and not look for a solution in the adult world.
It's a different matter if a child turns to a parent for help. And in this case, you need to give advice, but not solve the problem from an adult's position.
If we are talking about children under the age of seven, then most often they adopt the behavior patterns that exist in the family.
At the age of three to seven, this is an open child, when he subconsciously separates from his parents, but society does not yet have such a big meaning for him. Friends are not very important for him, but he already has his own opinion, and he copies this opinion, as well as the behavior of his parents.
Therefore, if the father in the family swears, calls the mother names, most likely the child will do the same, no matter how much you calmly talk to the baby. Talking to the child and changing him without changing yourself will not work.
Therefore, if parents are concerned about the fact that their child often bullies, quarrels with friends, and gets into fights, they need to look not at the consequences, but at the reasons and motives for such behavior. First of all, they should pay attention to the relationships in the family.
And in no case openly participate in children's conflicts. This will help the child not only to gain the necessary life experience, but also to create a trusting relationship between the child and the parents.
