Leaving a relationship with a person who was once close and dear is always difficult and painful (of course, if we are talking about a person who was once truly loved, and maybe still is).
Elena Tuchkova, a practicing family psychologist and sexologist, told how to survive a breakup: advice.
There are many reasons for partners to break up. You and your partner have decided to break up together, or it is the decision of one of you, in any case you will experience a sense of loss, and you need to be prepared for this.
It is impossible to erase from your life overnight that period that united you, filled you with emotions, even if not always positive.
And there is no need for that. Allow yourself to grieve the very fact of your separation.
It is quite common for people to enter into new relationships in order to numb the pain of breaking up with their ex-partner. This can lead to the unlived feelings for the ex being transferred to the new partner.
And, of course, this will not be good for the new relationship. You may find that time after time you will build new relationships similar to the previous ones, and, accordingly, the end of these relationships will be just as sad. All this will accumulate into a large baggage of negative experience and disappointment.
Symptoms that should alert you during the period of separation
- perception of the very fact of separation as something shameful;
- a feeling of loss of meaning in further life;
- lack of faith that the pain of separation can end and, thus, forbid or block oneself from experiencing it;
- The other extreme from the previous symptom is withdrawal into prolonged, protracted grief.
All these symptoms can lead to chronic depression. Therefore, if you find them in yourself, be sure to contact a psychologist for professional support.
I would like to draw special attention to the fact that grief is not a state, it is a process. It is important to pay due attention to the grief associated with separation in order to leave this relationship in the past, as well as to live through and let go of all the feelings associated with it.
This process will help you accept yourself without the burden of past relationships and the guilt of ending them.
It is absolutely normal for you to experience positive feelings during this process, and to periodically return to memories of the former relationship, and perhaps even look for ways to return to it.
- First, accept the fact that your relationship as a couple is over. Put an end to it.
And even if your relationship is renewed sometime in the future, you will start it from a new page, without the burden of past grievances and mutual claims. - Experience all the feelings and emotions associated with the breakup and your ex-partner.
Fresh grievances are easy to cry out. Cry without holding back your tears! If you can't cry, try turning on a movie that you know will definitely help you cry.
Go to the gym and give a punching bag a good beating. If that's not possible, a pillow will do. Throw out all the negative energy you've accumulated onto it.
You can hit it with all your might, telling the pillow everything you would like to tell your ex-partner. You can also scream into this same pillow everything you want to scream!
- After you have released the negative energy, ask yourself: “What resources do I have to let go of this relationship?” These can be your friends or new acquaintances with whom you can communicate on topics of interest to you.
Do something that will definitely bring you positive emotions. There is probably something that you couldn’t afford for some reason while you were in a relationship (dancing with girlfriends, football with friends, painting with acrylic paints, a new hairstyle, traveling, etc.).
Now is the time to let it into your life!
- Develop a new attitude towards your ex and your ended relationship. Think about what lessons you learned in your relationship with this person? What valuable experiences did you gain?
Now imagine your ex standing in front of you and you thank him for something you consider important. And no matter what your relationship is like, there will always be something you can be grateful for.
Changes in our lives are inevitable and any events in it, even the most unpleasant ones, are an experience. It is in your power to use this experience as an opportunity to move to a new qualitative level of your life.
