All parents want their children to be happy and satisfied with life.
But sometimes, in an attempt to do everything for their children, they cross the line and begin to spoil them.
Spoiled children are those who do not know how to appreciate what they have, do not respect other people, do not obey their parents and demand everything at once.
Such children may become problematic in the future, as they will not be able to adapt to the real world, where not all desires are fulfilled.
How to tell if your child is spoiled?
Here are some telltale signs of being spoiled:
- Inability to hear "no". A spoiled child does not accept refusals and prohibitions. He believes that he is entitled to everything and everyone should submit to his will. If he is not given or allowed to do something, he begins to be capricious, cry, scream, throw himself on the floor or even bang his head against the wall. He does not respect other people's desires and needs, but only his own.
- Inability to wait. A spoiled child cannot tolerate delayed gratification. He wants everything at once. He cannot wait his turn at the store or on the carousel, cannot share a toy or candy with another child, cannot put off his work or game for later. He does not appreciate what he has, but always wants more and better.
- Inability to cooperate. A spoiled child does not know how to work in a team or with a partner. He always wants to be first, the best and the smartest. He does not listen to other people's opinions and advice, but only his own. He cannot negotiate, give in or compromise. He does not admit his mistakes or failures, but always blames others.
- Inability to cope with emotions. A spoiled child cannot control his feelings and impulses. He easily becomes angry, offended, envious or afraid. He cannot express his emotions constructively or adequately. He cannot calm down on his own or ask for help from others.
How can you learn to say “no” to spoiled children without losing their love and trust? In this article, we offer you steps that will help you in this difficult task.
7 Steps to Help You Say No to a Spoiled Child
1. Identify the reasons for being spoiled
Before you can begin to change your child's behavior, you need to understand why he or she is like that. Perhaps you are to blame for giving in to him or her too often, giving in to his or her tears or whims. Or perhaps you have tried to compensate for your absence or lack of attention with gifts and favors.
Or you were afraid of conflicts with your child and preferred to put up with his demands so as not to spoil the relationship. In any case, you need to realize your mistake and decide to correct it.
2. Set rules and boundaries
In order for a child not to feel that everything is permissive, he needs to know that there are certain rules and boundaries that cannot be violated.
For example, you can explain to him that he can't throw toys all over the room, that he must eat everything that is on his plate, that he can't hurt other children or animals, etc. The rules should be clear, understandable and consistent. Don't change them depending on his mood or circumstances.
3. Say “no” firmly and calmly
When you say "no" to a spoiled child, do it firmly and calmly, without shouting or threatening. You must show him that you are serious and are not going to change your mind. Do not engage in lengthy explanations or arguments with the child, as this will only increase his stubbornness and desire to get his way.
Just tell him that you won't let him do what he wants and why. For example: "No, you can't watch TV until lunch because you have homework to do."
4. Be consistent and steadfast
One of the most important aspects of raising spoiled children is consistency and steadfastness. If you say "no", do not change your mind, even if the child starts crying, screaming, begging or threatening.
Remember that he is simply testing your boundaries and trying to find a weak spot in your defenses. If you give in even once, he will understand that he can manipulate you and will repeat his behavior over and over again. So be firm and do not give in to provocations.
5. Don't deny your child everything
Saying “no” to a spoiled child does not mean denying them everything. You must find a balance between prohibitions and permissions so that the child does not feel deprived or disadvantaged. You can give them a choice between two or more options that you consider acceptable.
For example: "You can play on the computer for half an hour or read a book." In this way, you allow the child to make decisions and learn to respect his interests and preferences.
6. Reward positive behavior
When your child does what you expect from him, do not forget to reward him for it. You can praise him with words, hug him, kiss him, give him small gifts.
This way you show him that you appreciate his efforts and efforts, that you love him and are proud of him. Encouraging positive behavior helps to develop self-esteem, self-discipline and responsibility in the child.
7. Don't compare your child with others
One of the most common mistakes parents make is comparing their child to other children. This can be very demotivating and hurtful for the child, as they may feel unworthy or unloved.
Don't say things like, "Look how good Vasya is, he always listens to his mother," or "Why can't you be like Masha, she's so smart and obedient." Such words only undermine the child's self-esteem and cause aggression or apathy. Instead, focus on your child's strengths and emphasize his individuality.
We hope these tips will help you learn to say no to your children without feeling bad about it.
Remember that you are the best parent for your children, and you know what is good for them. Don't be afraid to be strict or demanding if it is for their own good. Say "no" with love and confidence, and your children will thank you!
