A new addition to the family is not only joy and a new way of life, but also a change in the usual rhythm of life, a redistribution of responsibilities, stress and the need to adapt to new conditions.
Psychologist Olga Makarova of the Federal State Budgetary Educational Institution of Higher Education "Mari State University" told how to prepare a child for the birth of a brother or sister.
And if we, adults, understand perfectly well all the risks and points of tension, then a child who has turned from the only beloved son or daughter into an older and not the only little person requiring care, may face a number of difficulties.
Simple but effective tips will help you avoid them.
No surprises
Often parents do not discuss with their child the upcoming addition to the family, whether it is a planned pregnancy or an unplanned one.
Of course, you shouldn’t tell your child about aspects of childbirth that are not age-appropriate, but informing your child that soon not only his life, but also the life of the whole family will change means showing him basic respect.
A sudden “surprise” in the form of a screaming baby demanding constant mother’s attention can cause a lot of different and quite strong emotions, which in no way contributes to the harmonious development of the baby and a healthy psychological climate in the family.
You, as the eldest, should
There is a great temptation to shift some of the parental responsibilities to a growing son or daughter. The older child unexpectedly becomes an adult, receiving a very limited and not always stable set of obligations.
It seems that on the one hand he is the elder and should, but at the same time sometimes he hears that he is still a child and does not have the right or cannot speak out or not follow the instructions of adults.
This approach not only causes additional anxiety and negative feelings towards parents, but also does not contribute to building harmonious relationships between siblings.
I love him more than you
Even before the baby is born, mom and dad experience unique moments as a couple and parents.
Sometimes, not wanting to hurt the first baby, parents talk about the future boy or girl with great tenderness and devote a lot of time to preparations.
To prevent your older child from feeling abandoned and unnecessary, don't forget to tell him that he is still important and valuable to you.
Be kind and attentive to him, include him in the process of preparing for the arrival of a brother or sister, explain that now a loved one will appear in his life, and not a rival for his mother's love. Prepare a personal gift for the child and congratulate him on the addition to the family.
Tell them that the younger brother or sister is the one who will love them more than anyone else in the world, try to adopt their habits, learn everything they can do, follow their older sibling and enjoy every day spent together.
Own territory
Agree with the older child about what toys can be taken and when the baby can play on the older child's territory. Even if the children do not have different rooms, each one should have "their own space" according to their age - a place of safety, their own rules and comfort.
Try not to infringe on the older child's rights, do not present him with a fait accompli and do not dispose of his things without his knowledge or consent.
The little family member must learn to properly build, protect and expand their personal boundaries, and this is best done in a playful and loving environment.
Case study: A fairly mature girl came to see me for several months, experiencing difficulties caused by anxiety and obsessive thoughts.
During one of the consultations, the client, bursting into tears, told us that with the birth of her younger brother, she often heard that her mother loved him more and was ready to do anything just to make him happy.
The unlived resentment and bitterness from the loss of maternal warmth remained “closed” feelings for the girl for quite a long time; however, they influenced her general condition, worldview and well-being.
It took us several meetings that were dedicated exclusively to this pain and the way to experience it.
