To better understand children, it is important to know the basis of their behavior.
Hypnotherapist Anton Redzhebov told how to communicate with a child correctly.
It is that children are evolutionarily designed to attract attention. Let's go back to prehistoric times, to some tribe of our ancient ancestors.
A child who was ignored and forgotten somewhere in a shroud will most likely not survive: a predator will eat him or something bad will happen. Children have retained this evolutionary baggage to this day.
Because the history of ancient people is more than a million years old, while the history of a well-fed and prosperous society is only a few hundred years old.
And all those tools that nature gave us for survival are no longer needed and not important, but they are within us.
Therefore, the child has a built-in program: it is critically important for him to hold the attention of the most important people - this is the attention of his parents.
And this is achieved by any means necessary - the children here will not hesitate to pay any price.
Therefore, when a parent ignores normal behavior, requests to play or do something together for a long time, the child tries to attract attention - by crying, screaming, hysterics. For him, even negative attention is better from the point of view of evolution than none at all.
From this follow two basic laws of raising children and communicating with them.
The first law is to pay much more attention to good behavior than to bad behavior.
You need to literally teach yourself to ignore undesirable behavior, not just occasionally, but on a regular basis, and reinforce what you want. Simply put, praise your child more.
You also need to know how to praise! My colleagues and I are increasingly faced with the fact that not all parents praise or know how to praise.
Some people consider it unnecessary or are even embarrassed by it. Most often, these people were not praised enough in childhood, so I am happy to share with you six rules of effective praise.
1. Praise for specific actions. That is, not “thank you, well done,” but “thank you for taking out the trash.”
2. Express your personal attitude. Talk about what exactly pleases you: “I liked how you cleaned the room.”
3. All attention should be on the praise and the child. Do not praise him while looking at the phone or the TV, or, God forbid, from another room. Go to the child, sit down and praise, looking into the eyes, so that he understands that all attention is on him.
4. Tactile contact. If you stroke the child's head or hug him during praise, you will greatly enhance the effect.
5. Try to be happy and joyful. There are different moments: we can be tired, but show your acting skills. Because if you praise a child with a sour face, it will not give an effect, because the child reads everything perfectly.
6. Praise should be given immediately. Then the child will establish a connection between the correct action and pleasant emotions.
The second law: Mom and Dad always act in concert.
After all, the biggest mistake in raising a child is when family members make contradictory demands on him. For example, mom allowed, dad forbade, or vice versa: mom is evil, dad is kind.
The worst thing is when it happens instantly: mom allowed it, dad immediately forbade it. In this way, we create a schizophrenic situation for our child.
Understand, for any child both parents are highly significant objects, essentially Gods. And when one God is about one thing, and the other about another, then even a perfectly healthy child can develop psychopathy.
Therefore, at some point, even if you do not agree with your partner, it is best to grit your teeth and agree, and then renegotiate “behind the scenes”.
But you need to present a united front to your child! Tell the grandparents this too.
Happiness to your family!
