Psychologist Tatyana Vinogradova told how parents can become ideal
Parenting begins long before a child comes into the home, before he is born into this world.
Tatyana Vinogradova, psychologist at the center for psychological support and psychocorrection, St. Petersburg.
Awareness even before you become a mother or father solves many problems related to upbringing, including the health of the child.
For example, it removes a lot of the stereotypes that you are a mother, which means you know better that no one can help the child except you.
In fact, there are many templates. They can be heard when parents communicate with their children. It is the understanding that the baby was born in your family that opens up many opportunities in interacting with him.
And if we talk about the qualities of an ideal parent, then the first and most important thing is the ability to hear, listen, see the potential, the talent of the child, see the beauty of the child, the beauty of his thoughts, his aspirations.
Your child wants to dance, but you don't know anything about dancing or sports. You want him to play the violin. In this case, you need to put yourself aside, put your opinion aside, allow the child to do what he wants, allow him to become who he can become, that is, a happy person who understands his path, why he lives.
The second quality of an ideal parent is the ability to be friends with their child, to build friendly, trusting, beautiful relationships, the ability to make joint plans for vacation, even for school.
After all, an adult’s studies may not end either, and the child sees that you are also studying, will follow you, understanding that you are interested in studying, and the child will be interested in studying.
This kind of simple friendship, without heaviness, without a sense of duty, that “you gave birth, and now you have to bear this cross,” helps the child maintain lightness, a feeling of childhood in the heart, and carry it through his whole life.
The third quality of an ideal parent is the very important skill of allowing many different people, friends, peers, classmates, into the child’s life, that is, the child should have full communication.
If up to three years old a child needs only mom and dad, then after that he needs to socialize. And after 10 years old, friends are of the utmost importance in a child's life. And his opinion will largely depend on his friends, not on you and on how much you help the child.
Teaching him how to be a friend depends largely on what kind of guests will come to your house and what kind of guys he will listen to later, from which his opinion will be formed.
The fourth quality of an ideal parent is an adequate perception of their role in the child’s life.
Its exaggeration can again be dictated by the patterns in the parent's head, the illusion that everything in the child's life depends on mom and dad. The child must have the freedom to make their own decisions, gain the necessary life experience and even survive.
He may know that you will always support and help, but at the same time he must learn to independently go through the difficulties of adapting to a new team, building his own boundaries when interacting with the outside world.
And finally, the fifth quality of ideal parents is understanding their right to make mistakes. Parenting is a complex process, a path where mistakes can happen.
It is important to analyze them, find alternative solutions and overcome difficulties together with the child. This will be a great example for him that you, like him, are growing, changing, striving to be more interesting and deeper.
It will also save you from the feeling of being useless to your child in the future.
