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Psychologist Yulia Vatutina told how to stop yelling at a child
10.06.2023 19:50
What causes parental screaming and how to deal with it.
To understand how to stop yelling at a child, you need to understand the reasons that make parents start yelling.
Psychologist-psychotherapist, coach Yulia Vatutina examines this issue in more detail.
Each conflict with children needs to be examined separately, but several universal reasons can still be identified:
- Stress and Tension: Parents may be stressed by work, financial problems, personal concerns, or other factors, which can lead to emotional overload and increased irritability.
In such situations, they may react uncontrollably to their children's behavior and start shouting. Therefore, fighting the causes of irritation - for example, changing jobs - will help reduce tension in the family. - Misunderstanding. It's not just children who start behaving badly to get attention. Parents also sometimes become aggressive if their children don't respond to them or don't understand them.
They think that if they can't get the message across to the child calmly, then yelling will help. This is a common mistake. - Discipline. Some parents may use yelling to maintain discipline. They believe that a loud voice will help children understand that they are doing something wrong and that such behavior is not acceptable. But a family is not an army, and a tense atmosphere can lead to childhood trauma.
- Lack of communication: If parents lack effective communication skills or have difficulty expressing their feelings and needs, they may resort to yelling as a way to express their frustration or disagreement.
Therefore, parents need to engage in self-education: read pedagogical books, take courses on parenting, etc.
Yelling at children is an ineffective and harmful way of communicating. More effective methods of interacting with children are calm conversation, support, and modeling positive behavior.
Why you can't shout
Yelling is one of the worst ways to interact with children. Here are some reasons why you shouldn't yell at your children:
- psychological harm: screaming causes anxiety in children, they may experience fear, bewilderment and a feeling of inferiority;
- Negative learning: In educational matters, yelling is counterproductive, children will remember the negative emotions associated with yelling more than the substance of what their parents are saying;
- repetition of negative behavior patterns: children will follow their parents' example and then will themselves show aggression in their interactions with peers, teachers, etc.;
- Decreased communication: When a parent yells, children become more withdrawn and less receptive to parental words, and as a result, they will stop perceiving even calm speech.
Instead of shouting, it is recommended to use calm and constructive methods of interaction with children.
How to Stop Yelling: Effective Strategies
Stopping yelling at your child is not an easy step for a hot-tempered parent, but it is something that needs to be taken as soon as possible.
Here are some tips that can help you control your emotions and learn more effective communication techniques:
- Practice mindfulness of emotions. Try to monitor your emotions, identify catalysts of aggression towards children.
Understanding your emotions will help you control them and find more constructive ways to express your feelings. - Search for alternative strategies. Think about what can effectively influence your child, remember his childhood, his first reactions to your words.
Instead of shouting, try the opposite, switching to a whisper during a conflict. For the child, at least, this will be unexpected, and at least because of this, he will begin to listen to your words. - Put yourself in the child's shoes. Try to understand why he started to behave badly. Remember your childhood, your motivations, sometimes these memories can open your eyes to some patterns of the child's behavior.
- Develop self-soothing strategies. Learn and practice stress-reducing and emotional-control techniques, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or reading poetry.
- Seek support and help. If you're having trouble stopping yelling at your child, talk to a therapist or family counselor who can help you understand your emotions, teach you more effective communication techniques, and offer support in developing healthy relationships with your children.
Remember that any aggression leaves an imprint on a child’s psyche for life.
And with the results of what parents consider to be effective methods of education, the child, having grown up, will struggle for a long time with the help of psychologists.
In fact, children respond better to calm and meaningful communication.
