Relationships between a man and a woman should be built on a foundation of respect and understanding, but some phrases can shake even the strongest structure.
Psychologist Ksenia Matur knows what these phrases are and why they are so dangerous.
"I told you so!"
Showing your superiority and pointing out another person’s mistakes is not considerate of him and can lead to a serious scandal.
There is no point in adding fuel to the fire when the man has already seen that something went wrong and he made a mistake. Any person can make a mistake and something may not work out for him, it is better to support him or just remain silent. Believe me, the man will be very grateful to you for this.
"Choose: either me or your mother!"
Forcing a man to choose is a dangerous story, he may not choose you. In a choice between his mother and you, a man will most often choose his mother, because there is only one mother, and there can be many women.
Don't give ultimatums where you can suffer yourself. And it's better to avoid ultimatums and manipulation in relationships altogether, try to build relationships as ecologically as possible in relation to yourself and others.
"You've had enough already"
And to close glasses and shot glasses with your hand or drag a man home. Telling a man how much to drink and sit with friends is a bad story. You are not his mother, and he is not your son, so you do not need to control him and tell him how to live and how much to drink.
If you want to influence how much time he spends with friends or drinks alcohol, use other methods.
"Why didn't you answer your phone for so long?", "Where were you?"
Control will never lead to anything good. When a woman controls a man, it only causes irritation, at that moment he is like a naughty little boy who is scolded and controlled by his mother.
If you are worried about whether everything is okay, just say: “I was really waiting for you, I’m glad to see you” - this will be pleasant and valuable for the man, and there will be no control.
"And here is my ex/Lena's husband/dad..."
Any comparison not in a man's favor will be considered an insult, which will lead to distance and resentment, and sometimes can serve as a reason for a scandal. No one likes to be compared with other people. You can say, "I will be happy if you give me..." or "I will be very pleased if you..."
In fact, there are many more phrases that you shouldn't say. It's important to remember the basic rules.
Your words should not cause guilt and shame.
Men don't like to be controlled, devalued, blamed, compared, so before you say something, check your phrases for these motives.
It is also important to avoid insults, humiliation and accusations in any communication. It is better to speak in "I-messages", for example: "I feel sad when you do this", "I feel angry when you do this", etc. And not "You are a jerk!" and "This is all because of you".
Expert: Beautiful (Sysoeva) Ksenia
