We all like to be and feel good.
Irina Pronina, coach for parents and teenagers, why it is difficult to refuse a request.
And when do we feel like that? First of all, when we are told pleasant words – praised, thanked for something.
And for most of us this external assessment is very important, our mood really depends on how other people evaluate us, we are constantly worried about what they think of us.
There are people who are rescuers by nature, and they save everyone and always, often to their own detriment.
In such cases, it often happens that the rescuer becomes so deeply immersed in the problems of the person who asked for help that he does not leave the latter any chance to make the slightest effort to cope with the situation on his own. And then the rescuer himself starts having troubles.
Nowadays, a new concept has emerged called “good karma”, which means that the more good deeds you do, the better karma you create for yourself, the more kindness will return to you.
An insecure, indecisive person may view any request made to him (even from a manipulator) as an opportunity to prove himself, to show and prove that he can do what others cannot.
Thus, it is very difficult for us to refuse when someone asks us for something. First of all, we want to remain good. And if we refuse, it turns out that we are letting down the person who asked us for something, who was counting on us, on our help. And in such a situation, no one will think anything good about us.
On the other hand, we may think that if we refuse now, we will be refused next time. And so usually, if the request is easy to fulfill, everyone will be happy to help and demonstrate their generosity of spirit.
The torment begins when requests require a lot of effort on your part. And then the fulfillment or non-fulfillment of such requests depends on many factors.
First of all, you begin to analyze the situation - who turned to you (a loved one or just an acquaintance), how much he really needs help or simply does not want to make an effort on his own.
Also, the response to the request will depend on whether the person can say "no". And this already depends on self-confidence, self-esteem, and the willingness to be misunderstood.
We all know that we need to help people, but, as experience shows, we don’t need to help everyone and not always. If you see that in this particular case you cannot satisfy the request, it is important to be able to refuse. And this is already a topic about personal boundaries.
