"You're overreacting!" he said, and she believed she was to blame. Until she went to therapy and was diagnosed with "gaslighting victim syndrome."
According to the American Psychological Association , 35% of people experience manipulation in relationships, but only 12% are aware of it.
Psychiatrist Robin Stern , author of The Gaslight Effect, warns: "A manipulator doesn't scream. He makes you question reality."
The first signal is "double messages"
Today he says, "You are my support," tomorrow, "Without me, you are nothing." Nobel laureate in economics Daniel Kahneman explains in his book Thinking, Slow and Slow: "Contradictory phrases cause cognitive dissonance.
The victim clings to the “good” moments, justifying the bad ones.”
The second sign is playing the “victim of circumstances”
"I would spend time with you, but work...", "I wouldn't be jealous if you didn't flirt...". Psychologist George Simon notes in an interview with Forbes: "Manipulators shift responsibility. You begin to believe that you have to fix something you didn't break."
The third marker is triangulation
He compares you to a mythical "perfect" girlfriend, ex, or even a fictional character.
"My wife never forbade me from meeting my friends," Alex, 38, said in the Pravda Denosheniy chat. His girlfriend Karina later wrote: "I allowed everything, but he went to the one who 'forbade'."
The fourth signal is “reward for suffering”
“Just be patient and everything will be fine,” the manipulator promises, hooking you into a cycle of hope and disappointment. Dr. Martha Stout, in The Sociopath Next Door, writes, “It’s like a lottery where the prize is a drop of attention. The victim wastes years chasing the prize.”
The fifth sign is isolation
"Your friends don't understand me," "Our parents will destroy us." A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that 70% of manipulators intentionally distance their victims from their loved ones.
How to resist
The creator of the Emotional Judo method, Dr. Harriet Lerner, advises: “Ask questions. “Why do you think it’s my fault?”, “What are you suggesting?” The thing is, the manipulator hates specifics.”
