Being in love is a state of strong emotional attachment to another person, which is accompanied by physical attraction, a desire to be close, communicate, care for, and receive approval from the partner.
When falling in love, a person idealizes a partner, that is, sees only the best qualities and ignores the shortcomings.
The author of the Zen channel “Ecological Psychologist”, clinical psychologist of the “Clinic of Dr. Anikina” Stanislav Sambursky claims that falling in love occurs on a subconscious level, spontaneously, logic does not work here.
There are many theories about the origin of falling in love.
- People fall in love with people who are similar in appearance, character, interests. Similarity quickly creates a feeling of closeness.
- Sometimes it works the other way around: people fall in love with people who are very different from them. Often this is due to a subconscious desire to complement themselves with something interesting and attractive.
- Physical attractiveness plays an important role in falling in love. Most people pay attention to the face, figure, clothes and behavior. Attractiveness can be determined by both general beauty standards and individual preferences.
- The more often and longer people communicate with each other, the greater the chances of falling in love. Long communication develops trust, leads to frankness and intimacy between partners.
Why does falling in love pass?
As a rule, falling in love does not last longer than two or three years. During this time, in the process of communication, partners get to know each other better, begin to notice not only advantages, but also see disadvantages, and also encounter disagreements and the first problems.
Falling in love passes due to getting used to the partner, when there is no longer a sense of novelty, which leads to a decrease in sexual desire, and as a result can lead to a cooling of feelings and even alienation.
What to do if a person realizes that he has feelings for two people
This can be a very difficult and painful situation that needs to be sorted out. Perhaps one of the partners in the relationship is not getting something and is trying to realize their desires with another person. It is not only and not so much about sex, perhaps the girl does not like to go to the mountains, and the guy is an avid tourist and it was a companion for hiking that he was initially looking for.
In any case, when you fall in love while you are in a relationship, ask yourself the following questions:
- What feelings do I have for each partner? Love, passion, friendship, respect, empathy?
- What needs do I satisfy in each relationship? Sexual, emotional, intellectual, social?
- What values do I share with each partner? Worldview, life goals, interests, hobbies?
- What prospects do I see in each relationship? Future, family, children, joint plans?
- How can I influence the situation? Continue the double life, choose one of the partners, break up with both?
Answering these questions will help you understand your feelings and motives, and evaluate the consequences of your actions.
Depending on the self-assessment of the situation, there may be several solutions
Tell your regular partner with whom you decided to continue the relationship. You will need to give up meetings on the side and ask for forgiveness.
This can be a risky move as your partner may feel betrayed and want to end the relationship.
But if you prepare for the conversation properly and conduct it carefully, this shake-up can be a chance to renew and strengthen the relationship if your partner is understanding and willing to work on the problems.
Hide your crush from your regular partner and continue communicating with both. This can be a convenient solution for someone who doesn't want to change their life and lose either partner.
Here you need to be prepared for the fact that you will be covered with a constant feeling of guilt and the fear of being exposed will appear. A regular partner can sense these changes and start an “investigation”.
If you realize that you have feelings for two people, do not rush to do things that could harm you or someone else.
Try to understand your emotions and motives, and weigh the pros and cons of each partner. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness if you have offended or deceived someone.
Don't forget about your responsibility for your actions and for the feelings of other people. And remember that falling in love is not love, but only one of the stages of its development.
Love is a deep and lasting feeling that requires respect, trust, compromise and altruism. If you want to build a real and happy relationship, you need to not only fall in love, but also love.
Earlier we talked about why people often go back to their exes .
Expert: Stanislav Sambursky
