Men are people, and nothing human is alien to them. Feelings and emotions are present in their lives just like in women, even if their demonstration is not their strong point.
Anastasia Korneeva, a psychologist at the online platform Gran.RF, told us what phrases you shouldn’t say to a man.
Therefore, a man may well be hurt, offended or insulted by a certain phrase said by a woman. In any human communication, it is important to remember that the person opposite has feelings, and to treat them with respect.
In the heat of emotions, women can often “say too much in the heat of the moment,” thinking that the man has not responded in any way. However, there are trigger phrases that can ruin your relationship.
So, what phrases should you avoid when communicating with a man?
“You’re a man!” This also includes the harsher version “You’re not a man!” and other references to gender identity. These types of reproaches contain the most groundless and toxic stereotypes.
For example, about how boys don't cry, or about the taboo on a man expressing his feelings. In a world where gender roles prevail, there is no place for real personalities.
And in such a concept of the world, a man is always indebted and obliged to someone - and no living person can withstand such pressure without consequences. As soon as the reference to “a man should” is heard, the personality immediately disappears.
And instead of motivation, the man himself experiences the opposite effect - irritation and unwillingness to do anything at all. Appealing to conscience and the male role only leads to aggression and even greater isolation on the part of the man - and such a reaction to an unjustified attack is entirely legitimate.
“You are not capable of anything!” This is essentially manipulation, designed to touch a man to the quick and make him move or at least think, so that he feels ashamed.
But the manipulator himself should be ashamed in such a situation. After all, the sphere of achievements is really important for men, it is not enough for them to simply “be”.
For a man, the need to realize his potential and achievements is more pressing than for women.
Therefore, if a man suddenly happens to hear accusations of impotence and inability, then this is a blow below the belt. Such a provocation can be too painful and paralyze a man's will, or even undermine his faith in his own strength for a long time.
Insults: “nobodies”, “mama’s boy”, loser”. In general, this point applies to people in general, not just men.
Insults never solve problems and always lead to undermining relationships - it is a low and completely ineffective way to get your point across. Instead, it is always better to talk about yourself without getting personal.
About what feelings you are experiencing - “I am angry/I am hurt/I am upset…” This is more like a dialogue and has a much higher chance of hitting the target - for the interlocutor to hear you.
In the case of insults, a man will hear the essence of them - that he is not loved and not appreciated, not respected. And he may well remember such statements for a long time, which will negatively affect the relationship in the future.
“I can do without you!” Similar phrases to this are “I always do everything myself”, “You can’t expect anything from me”. Women, as a rule, say such sayings in their hearts, hoping for exactly the opposite – activity on the part of the man, his participation.
And they get, oddly enough, exactly what they asked for - they cope with everything themselves. Men are quite straightforward and hear exactly what you say - "You are not needed."
This in itself is unpleasant, because it is very important for a man to be significant, necessary! And having received such a guide to action, a man, in addition to resentment, feels rejection - and in fact, distances himself, as he was actually asked to.
Therefore, it is worth learning to ask and directly formulate your needs if you want a man to show concern.
Phrases about “the best years” and “mama told me so”. This verbal construct emphasizes the fact that the relationship with this man is a mistake for the woman, she regrets it and is disappointed.
And such remarks reasonably leave men perplexed. After all, once a mistake has been discovered, it must be corrected! And in that case - why hasn't she left yet, if she is so upset about her choice?
This really sounds illogical to a man - after all, if this is the verdict, then the next adequate step for a woman would be to leave the painful relationship. The man is disoriented, because he sincerely does not understand what is wanted from him.
If you regret it, leave. If you don't leave, then what do you want from me? A man is not a psychic and will not be able to read a woman's hidden message - "I am in pain, and I ask you to change!" He hears what he hears, and it is very confusing.
“I told you so!” It seems like the other person, like a lurking predator, was waiting for you to make a mistake and is gloating.
The fact of failure is already quite painful for men - it affects their self-esteem and upsets them. And if a loved one is nearby and adds fuel to the fire, it becomes completely unbearable. He already knows that he made a mistake, and he himself is upset about it.
Using a man's failure to emphasize your superiority and rub his face in the dirt is not the best way to support him.
And even if you were initially against this idea and turned out to be right, it is unlikely that your caustic comment will improve the situation and contribute to strengthening the relationship. The “I told you so” position is a position from above, it contains a lot of arrogance and humiliation. And men will not tolerate this.
“Is that all?!” This is perhaps one of the most painful lines for men. A nightmare and the most unpleasant moment in the life of any man.
He took a risk - opened up, tried, tried. And he was cruelly devalued and even ridiculed. It is especially hard when it comes to the amount of earnings and the duration of sexual intercourse - the hottest points.
Believe me, a man is already incredibly worried about the quality and quantity of these aspects. And without your comments, he is ready to disappear into thin air. And here is a terrifying, devaluing confirmation of his failure.
Moreover, the phrase itself does not change anything in essence - on the contrary, it can even worsen the situation. The more a man worries and the more unsure of himself, the less chances of success in the future.
So such a short phrase can develop into trauma and a series of dramatic consequences.
“Everything is clear with you.” This series can include the textbook “Oh, that’s it!” For a man, this is a knockout, because he is deprived of even the opportunity to constructively solve the problem and discuss the conflict.
Men think logically, it is important for them to discuss and talk rationally - what is the cause of the problem and how to solve it. And such a sudden and illogical ending to the conversation is literally disarming.
After all, if she has already “drawn her conclusions,” then he can no longer change anything, explain, prove, etc. The man is left with an unpleasant feeling of powerlessness and anxiety, because he has no idea what exactly is clear to him and what will follow - and most importantly, what to do about it now.
“Nothing/fine.” These are classic passive-aggressive responses that are like a red rag to a bull on men.
There is clearly a problem - there is tension in the air, the woman is unhappy and non-verbally demonstrates her condition in every possible way.
But despite all the man's attempts to find out from her what the matter is, he gets an outright lie. The picture and the sound do not match - the man is confused. He should figure out what is wrong himself, but he can't, because he is not clairvoyant.
At the same time, it is obvious to him that the situation is tense to the limit and he feels that he is obliged to do something. Such interactions for men are like walking through a minefield.
The most pointless idea is to wait for him to actually figure it out himself. The solution is to explain in words what exactly is wrong.
