Relationships are something continuous that requires constant attention and work.
Valery Gut, PhD in Psychology and developer of the theory of adaptive intelligence, told how to avoid a crisis in a relationship.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ©Dalai Lama
Often couples face a crisis that becomes a serious test for their future. However, there are certain strategies that can help avoid or overcome a turning point.
A relationship crisis is a period when stability and harmony in a couple are disrupted, and people feel emotional tension and dissatisfaction.
But this is a natural process that happens to every couple at some point in their relationship. And it is not at all necessary that all couples have to go through this or that a crisis will inevitably lead to a breakup.
It is important to understand that a contradiction in a relationship does not arise out of nowhere. First, there is an intrapersonal conflict in each partner or in one of them, and sooner or later it will become interpersonal.
This is caused by accumulated problems, stress, changes in the lives of one or both partners, lack of communication or misunderstanding.
American psychiatrist Murray Bowen scientifically proved that a family is a system in which people constantly influence each other and strive to create a certain balance, a certain constancy in interaction.
He talked about how a family is not just individuals. Hierarchy, rules, and habitual ways of reacting to the external environment and to each other play a huge role.
One of the key components of a healthy relationship is open and effective communication. It is important to freely express feelings and thoughts, as well as to be able to listen and understand your partner.
It is better to agree on all the key moments and rules in the relationship for both partners in advance. Over time, if necessary, you can always adjust and add details.
Each of us has our own idea of “how it should be”: how to cook dinner, raise children, do repairs, run a business - and so on ad infinitum. There is nothing wrong with this, because we are all different.
“Under any circumstances and in any situation, remember that everything can be negotiated,” says American professor and business consultant Gavin Kennedy.
The sooner people building a relationship begin to agree on all the nuances, the longer they will make each other happy.
It is necessary, if possible, to learn to adjust your principles more flexibly in relationships with others. And from time to time to reconsider their rigidity in favor of the partner, offering to do the same in return.
The more we are ready to adapt to each other, mutually and in advance having agreed on this in our wishes, the easier it will be to overcome any crises in relationships.
Because it is better to bend than to break, and for this you need flexibility. Flexibility is the desire to negotiate, to change.
The basis of a healthy relationship is respect for your partner. Relationships are the interaction of two individuals who, before meeting, quite naturally existed separately, developing their values and worldview.
And after the meeting, everyone wants to remain independent, but at the same time be together with the other person.
If someone is constantly saying “yaks”, pulling the blanket over themselves and choosing only their own interests, regardless of the opinion of the other, the very concept of “together” is skewed to one side.
It is always important to acknowledge your partner's opinions and feelings, give them the opportunity to speak out and listen to them with understanding. Humiliation and disdain are a losing position.
Each partner needs to develop their own personality. This is the only way to maintain a relationship indefinitely.
There is a principle: the more you work on yourself, the less you will have to work on relationships.
The most long-term relationships are when both people in a couple develop synchronously, mutually enrich and support each other, add energy rather than take it away.
There is no place for absurd grievances and claims in relationships. Only an independent and self-confident person is capable of showing care, fulfilling the needs and desires of another and loving someone without harming himself.
Therefore, the more a person invests in himself, the more he will be able to give.
When we are irritated by someone else’s imperfection and we try to rise above another, criticize, point out his mistakes and shortcomings, then we experience moral superiority.
And it can extinguish even the brightest flame in a relationship. When we are confident in our moral superiority, our statements take on a derogatory tone.
And not only in speech, but also in facial expressions, gestures, intonation. Contemptuous behavior has negative consequences for interpersonal relationships, since it contributes to the formation of the position of "I am right, and you are wrong", "I am better than you, and you are in some respects (or completely) worse than me."
Such actions will extinguish the flaring feelings and ruin the relationship. Therefore, it is necessary to be kinder to your partner, to be understanding of his mistakes. And remember: no one is perfect and no one walks on water.
Avoiding a relationship crisis is a difficult task that requires constant attention and work on yourself.
However, using these strategies will help you create healthy and happy relationships that will be able to overcome any difficulties.
