Distinguishing between true love and mere affection can be difficult, especially when it comes to long-term relationships.
Psychologist Anastasia Korneeva, a psychologist at the online platform Gran.RF, told how to distinguish true love from attachment.
True love is based on deep and mutual respect and support, whereas attachment can be more selfish.
Let's look at some key signs of true love and affection to help you discern the two.
1. Mutuality and respect. True love is characterized by mutuality and respect. Both partners feel equal importance and value in the relationship, their opinions and desires are taken into account.
They seek to support and develop each other, not control or manipulate. A one-sided game is not about love.
When one of the couple supposedly loves, and the other allows him to love him - this cannot be a healthy relationship. And we are talking here more about codependency and painful attachment, and not about love.
2. Independence and freedom. In true love, partners respect each other's individuality and independence. They allow each other to have personal interests, friends, and space.
Attachment often involves feelings of jealousy and control, which limits the freedom and independence of the other person. Attachment is not just a root word with the verb “to bind.”
Hypercontrol and encroachment on a partner's personal space are more likely to exclude love than to prove it.
Love implies concern for the well-being of another, sincere joy that the loved one is happy and developing.
3. Emotional support and empathy. True love is based on emotional support and empathy. Partners support and understand each other in difficult moments, they are ready to listen and help.
In attachment, there is often a lack of genuine emotional support and the relationship can be more selfish and based on one's own needs.
A loving person does not remain indifferent if his partner is feeling bad. Emotional stinginess and even cruelty are signs of an unhealthy relationship.
4. Growth and development. True love promotes growth and development of both partners. They strive for personal and emotional growth together, support and inspire each other.
In attachment relationships, the relationship may be more static and not conducive to personal development.
There is a working formula: if during a relationship you as a person move forward (become better, develop, etc.) - the relationship is harmonious.
If, in the process of a relationship, you lose yourself, slow down, or even go backwards in development, the relationship is most likely dysfunctional.
5. Stability and longevity. True love is characterized by stability and longevity. Partners are ready to work on the relationship, overcome difficulties and resolve conflicts.
In attachment, relationships can often be more superficial and unstable. Love is more or less static - it is more of an attitude towards a person, rather than a feeling.
Therefore, it is quite possible to be angry (this is a short-term feeling) and love at the same time. And if there is an understanding of this, then conflicts do not destroy the couple, but on the contrary - they help the relationship become stronger.
Attachment, like any habit, is a matter of time, and a happy union cannot be built on it alone.
It is important to note that relationships can be complex and combine elements of true love and attachment. It is normal, even inevitable, for attachment to form during the course of a relationship.
It is normal for feelings to change over time, to lose their former intensity and passion. It is normal to love your partner and sometimes be angry with them or dissatisfied with something situationally.
Love is what helps a couple to stay together and be happy despite everything.
