Jealousy is considered a message to the partner: “Something is wrong in our relationship,” “You are behaving inappropriately,” “I am reacting violently because I am worried about you.”
Psychologist Alena Savinova told how to stop being jealous.
But through negative emotions, anxiety, and dissatisfaction with relationships, our inner child transmits a signal.
Jealousy is always a story not about love for the chosen one, but about personal issues of the one who is jealous. About self-worth, self-esteem, relationships with parents, past experience and trust in the world.
As a rule, the foundation for jealousy is laid in childhood.
No baby comes into this world with mistrust – this burden accumulates with life experiences gained in the parental family or in one’s own relationships.
For example, in an emotionally unfinished relationship with a former partner, where there was pain, betrayal, and unresolved conflicts.
This happens when a person experienced traumatic events in childhood - for example, the divorce of parents, they were given little attention, their thoughts were not valued or listened to, their interests were ignored.
His dignity was humiliated for failures or mistakes made, his personality was formed in a deficit - without unconditional love and understanding that he is needed, important and valuable by the fact of his birth.
In order to restore trust in the world and form a stable self-esteem, it is necessary to work with a psychologist.
Otherwise, such a person will doubt all his life, seek confirmation of his own confidence that he is not good enough, not worthy of love, respect, etc.
The explanation for jealousy can certainly be found in childhood trauma or in the past relationships of the person who is jealous, if at the beginning of the romantic story there was trust in the partner, but it disappeared over time.
If mistrust arose at the beginning of the relationship, it is necessary to understand why they were built, what need they were fulfilling. These are tasks for working with a psychologist.
If you consider yourself a jealous person and regularly experience bouts of mistrust, I recommend that in addition to working with a specialist, you turn all your resources to yourself.
Money, time, attention to desires and needs should be directed to closing your internal needs. Then the intensity of claims to the partner will decrease.
