A breakup is always a stressful situation, no matter how well the partners behave.
Psychologist, psychotherapist and coach Yulia Vatutina talks about this in more detail.
The breakup process can be made less painful by following a few rules.
- Be honest. It is important to be open with your partner. Explain your feelings and the reasons why you want to end the relationship.
Try to avoid blaming, focus on your personal needs and feelings. Use "I-messages". - Choose the right time and place. Think about where and when you will tell your partner about your decision. Avoid places that can add tension or make the situation even more emotional. Choose a quiet place where you can talk calmly.
- Be prepared for an emotional reaction. Your partner may be upset or hurt. Prepare yourself mentally for this, express your sympathy. Be patient and understanding of how your partner expresses their emotions.
- Support after a breakup. If your partner has had a hard time with the breakup, try to be available and supportive as much as possible. But don't forget about yourself and be wary of manipulation.
- Set boundaries. If your partner has been relatively okay with the breakup, you can begin setting boundaries. This is necessary if maintaining any contact with your partner brings up painful memories.
- Give yourself time. Just like physical wounds, psychological wounds also take time to heal. Give yourself time to recover, consider taking a sudden vacation.
And don't rush into starting a new relationship until you've let go of the last breakup.
In words, these tips seem quite simple, but in reality, not everyone will be able to consistently follow them.
It is important to understand that a breakup is an individual process and the correct approach to it depends on the specific circumstances and the nature of the partners.
Behavior after a breakup: advice from psychologists
How to behave after a breakup? The question is also individual, but experts offer several universal useful strategies.
- Don't try to suppress your emotions. Breakups can bring a lot of negative emotions, and keeping them inside is extremely harmful. Try to express them carefully, without causing harm to others. Without this, it will be difficult to start the recovery process.
- Seek support. Talk to friends, family, or loved ones you trust. Tell them how you feel and what you’re going through. Having support from others can be an important part of your recovery.
- Take care of yourself. Focus on your well-being, physical and mental. Make time for activities that bring you joy and satisfaction.
This could be a sport, a hobby, reading, or anything else that interests you. Don't forget about self-respect: regardless of the reasons for the breakup and your partner's reaction to the breakup, remember about your self-esteem and personal boundaries. - Avoid "toxic" situations. After a breakup, especially at first, having any contact with your partner can be difficult.
Avoid situations that may trigger a painful reaction and hinder your recovery. For example, you can change your social media pages or simply avoid public places where you could theoretically meet your partner. - See a professional. If the experiences of a breakup are accompanied by such conditions as depression, prolonged irritability, and also cause socially dangerous reactions (anger, aggression, etc.), then you should see a psychologist.
In addition, professional help is necessary if the breakup has significantly affected other areas of your life, such as reduced productivity.
A psychologist will help you understand your feelings and offer an individual recovery program.
It is impossible to predict how a person will react to a breakup. It can take months for the wound from a breakup to heal.
Therefore, you need to be prepared for all possible scenarios, both in relation to your partner’s reaction to the breakup and in relation to your own reaction.
