Sometimes, we suddenly realize that we did something completely different from what we wanted, but rather what the other person wanted from us.
Psychologist Elena Kucheruk explained who a manipulator is.
This is how a manipulator works - he makes people do what he wants. But he doesn't act openly, but secretly, in a roundabout way!
There are manipulators among us, and we cannot always recognize that behind the mask of a nice person there is a manipulator.
How can you tell who is in front of you?
Manipulators, no matter how covertly they act, can always give themselves away in several ways:
- they try to flatter a person, even if they don’t like him, because then they can ask for a favor;
- play on your feelings, especially guilt. For example, a wife pretends to be sick so that her husband does not go fishing;
- they put pressure on you with their authority. For example, it is difficult to refuse your boss because of his superior position;
- play the role of a victim, thereby forcing people to do what the manipulators want;
- they choose the wrong moment, namely when a person is sick, upset, angry, it is easier to influence him;
Yes, willingly or unwillingly, we all manipulate at one point or another in life, and as a rule we do it unconsciously.
Manipulators always act consciously, suppressing the will and desires of other people. The most terrible manipulators are psychopaths, who do not feel emotions at all.
How can you resist a manipulator?
First of all, evaluate how you communicate with this person. What emotions and feelings do you experience at this moment?
Do you have a desire to justify yourself or prove something? For example, that you are better, smarter, more beautiful than the manipulator tells you.
Is there a sense of guilt and obligation in your communication? Is your communication sincere? These are the first questions you need to ask yourself.
And if you see that you experience negative emotions and a sense of guilt during communication, then it’s time to act.
First, learn to say no if you don't want to do what someone else asks. Choose yourself and your interests.
Yes, you may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more often you do this, the easier it will be for you to choose your interests.
Secondly, when communicating with a manipulator, take a break. Do not rush to fulfill his requests. For example, leave the room and calmly, alone, think everything over.
Third, ask an uncomfortable question. For example, "What will I get if I do as you ask?", "What are you trying to achieve by doing this?", "Why don't you do it yourself?". Ask a lot of constructive questions to irritate the manipulator.
Fourth, say directly that you have figured out the manipulation plan and end the conversation.
And most importantly, always trust your feelings and sensations. Don't be afraid to seem rude, ill-mannered or ungrateful, leave and end the conversation if you are being manipulated.
Remember that you are the most valuable person in your life, and no one has the right to use you for their own purposes!
