Why do men break up relationships? How can you protect yourself from this trouble?
Psychologist Ilya Mashkov explained why men break off relationships: reasons that women should know about.
Of course, there can be many options and nuances; life is often unpredictable.
But if you know the 6 main reasons why men break up, you can save your relationship or avoid getting into a hopeless relationship.
Reason one. Immaturity
Unfortunately, many men are simply not ready to take responsibility for family and relationships. They are interested in sex, romance, novelty and nothing more.
Some people, by changing women, try to raise their male self-esteem, not realizing the dead end of such a path.
The key reason for this, in turn, is most often upbringing. When a boy grows up in an atmosphere of permissiveness, accessibility of basic material goods, when willpower and discipline are not cultivated in him from childhood, parents thereby raise an infantile person.
Alas, a man can remain like this his whole life. This behavior pattern, unfortunately, is not directly related to physiological age.
If you hint to such a man about marriage, he will either "freeze" or disappear from your horizon. Fortunately, this is quite easy to detect at the stage of acquaintance, if you pay attention to the following points.
- Inability to notice and solve ordinary household tasks on your own. Maintain order in your home, be able to cook at least some dishes, fix a faucet or attach a shelf to the wall. Just ask for some simple help in passing or go on a picnic with him, see how he copes with a fire and shashlik.
- Egoism and arrogance. Your opinion is of little interest to him, and he considers his own to be the ultimate truth. Against this background, there may still be demands to accept him as he is.
- Dependence on his mother's approval and opinion. This is not always immediately obvious, but if you find an opportunity to ask him about his relationship with his parents, you will most likely be able to understand this.
- Shifting responsibility – onto other people, circumstances, times. Anyone/anything is to blame, but not him.
- The absence of his own business or at least a hobby in which he strives for something, something he understands thoroughly.
The second reason is the fear of becoming dependent on a woman.
This behavior is called counter-dependent. Deep down, such a man desperately needs intimacy, spiritual closeness, acceptance, trust and respect.
But he is afraid of losing himself and because of this he sharply denies any closeness with women, convincing them and himself that he does not need anyone.
Such men make acquaintances easily, make an impression, even enter into sexual relations, but then quickly disappear.
They can be identified by the following manifestations
- They consider themselves self-sufficient, but in reality they cannot accept their own or someone else's weaknesses and mistakes. As a result, they often devalue the woman they are communicating with and manipulate her.
- They close themselves off from contact in general and are afraid to let a woman get close to their inner world.
- They usually have a ostentatious high self-esteem and are intolerant of criticism of themselves or their results.
Such men are focused primarily on themselves, and therefore easily end relationships.
The third reason is violations in male-female roles
This topic is very broad, and depends heavily on both the difference in the psychotypes of men and women, and the differences in the culture and family traditions of both partners. We will list only the most important points.
- Sexual temperament. Alas, if one partner needs sex several times more often than the other, it will be extremely difficult for them to come to an agreement on this issue. This is not “cured” by courses, trainings, or even time.
Unlike sexual stiffness and boredom, which can also cause a break in a relationship, but is quite easy to eliminate. - When a woman takes an active life position, goes into realization, it attracts many men. But if a man has failures, crises, or a woman develops faster in her career and financial results, there is a high probability of competition. And then love can suffer.
- Increased control and restriction of freedom on the part of the woman. Depending on the psychotype of the man, sometimes even the usual attention and care of the woman can be perceived as control.
And if a woman is prone to codependency, then this can cross reasonable boundaries. And men run away from suffocating relationships. - If a woman stops appreciating or respecting him as a man, or begins to compare him or his achievements in work or life with others.
In general, these are signs of abusive behavior, and if the woman does not change, then an adequate man will leave such a relationship.
Reason number four - tired of enduring codependency
Yes, it does happen that in a couple the woman is the obvious leader and the man is a henpecked husband. In general, they can be good together.
But if a man dissolves in a woman so much that he completely forgets about his own desires and realization, then over time this can lead to an acute crisis. Because in reality, desires do not disappear - they are suppressed, often even unconsciously.
And here it is necessary to know the most dangerous periods, when a man is 33-36, 42-44, 54-56 years old. During these years, a complete transformation occurs at all levels - from physiology to values, worldview and ways of working of the mind.
Such personality transformations or some other factors can provoke a sharp crisis in such a man and a desire to break out of a relationship in which he has lost himself.
Reason five. Life goals and values have diverged
Unfortunately, in practice we often encounter cases where women who have lived 10-15-20 years in marriage come to us: material goals have been achieved, the children have grown up, but there are no common interests with the husband.
Apart from memories of a pleasant shared past, and sometimes not so pleasant ones due to quarrels and conflicts, there is essentially nothing that keeps people together.
To avoid falling victim to this scenario, it is extremely important for both partners to consciously and regularly invest effort into maintaining emotional closeness and heart-to-heart talks – aligning their values, goals, and guidelines in all areas of life.
And finally, the sixth reason, one of the main ones: you yourself are afraid that the man will leave you!
When a woman lives with a subconscious, unconscious or conscious fear that a man will leave her, she herself creates the preconditions for this.
Unconscious fears often appear as a result of copying the experience of parental relationships, if there was such a thing. Also, there are often cases when generic scenarios are triggered, passed down through several generations, which the woman may not even know about.
Conscious fears are usually based on bad experiences in past relationships or experiences that a woman has gained from her immediate environment.
In both cases, separation is necessary - from parents and from past partners. It is necessary to understand the experience gained and form new behavior patterns.
It is not easy, but modern psychosomatics copes with this task quickly and effectively. Its methods allow to very clearly identify problem areas and eliminate them without months of therapy.
What is important to understand when summing up?
Getting married is not a guarantee of success in a long-term relationship. And men can break off relationships, sometimes abruptly and unexpectedly, both at the stage of dating, the first years of falling in love, and after decades of marriage.
But knowing the six key reasons, you will be able to identify unsuitable men both at the very beginning of your relationship, and not fall into the trap of various destructive role models and prevent possible crises as your relationship develops.
And to help you will be increased awareness, studying the psychology of relationships, paying attention to yourself and your man, plus the help of a psychologist when necessary.
