Many men cheat on their spouses. If we leave aside the moral aspect of the problem for a while, an interesting task with prediction emerges. And who will win in the confrontation - the wife or the mistress?
Each of these two sides of the love triangle has its pros and cons, says Pavel Rakov , psychologist, coach, and creator of the cult training “In fact, I’m smart, but I live like a fool.”
Is a wife a wall or not?
There is a saying that a wife is not a wall, she will move. However, it contains a dangerous illusion for a mistress. Because on the side of the official spouse, firstly, there is a stamp in the passport, which gives her certain legal rights. For example, to calmly divide the property acquired during the marriage and demand alimony for minor children.
Secondly, over the years of family life, the wife has established a routine and learned many of her husband's habits, to which she has adapted. And the man knows what to expect from his wife. This means that he will not have to start everything from scratch, study the woman's character and get used to it.
Everything is quite calm, and even some conflicts, arising with or without reason, are no longer particularly stressful. Each of the couple knows how to extinguish the fire of a quarrel.
Thirdly, certain connections arise between husband and wife, including financial ones. And it is not so easy to break them in one moment. And, fourthly, no matter what happens, the home is the rear for every man, no matter how critically he treats marriage.
But, of course, there are downsides. After all, if both parties do not know how to talk and hear each other, then three or five years of living together can turn into a mass of accumulated grievances. Everyday life gets to you, romance and passion in bed disappear. What's more! Even ordinary flirting becomes a great rarity, or even disappears altogether.
The wife gradually grows old, the sparkle in her eyes fades, she becomes too close and understandable, and therefore boring. The man begins to think that he no longer needs to conquer his wife, so he can switch to other, younger girls. So that the former youth stirs in the soul again, and butterflies flutter in the stomach.
To visit your mistress - as if you were visiting
But the mistress is always fresh, beautiful, smiles and laughs at every unsuccessful joke of the man. She is not worried about everyday life and, perhaps, children. And what she does in bed! Ooh! All this attracts married men. After all, it is not so easy to win a mistress, especially if the age difference is large enough. And in order to keep her, you will have to make some efforts, including financial ones.
All this lights up, excites and pleasantly tickles the nerves. A male hunter will dive headlong for his next trophy, escaping from the boring everyday life in the family.
Another obvious advantage of a mistress: she will always listen, support and console. So it is to their secret lady that many gentlemen pour out complaints about ungrateful children and a hateful spouse.
At such a moment, the passion of a married man begins to think how special she is. After all, it is to her that the chosen one pours out his soul! And honestly and openly.
By the way, a competent mistress has a huge reserve of patience. She will wait for her beloved for years and hope that the promises to marry her will one day come true. This is what attracts representatives of the stronger sex, since you can always find more and more excuses for the upcoming serious changes.
But there is one nuance. A married man comes to another woman... as if she were visiting! He sees her in the best light, like any other hostess who receives her friends for a special occasion. But what will happen when this beautiful lady turns into a second (or third) legal wife? Will everything remain the same? Or will the nasty (but so necessary) routine, the birth of children, wrinkles and old age creeping in on your heels burst into your life again? And will everything repeat itself, down to the second, as with your previous wife?
And these questions are very important for all the cheaters, because they don't want another round of similar problems. Especially since they don't know how to solve them. Otherwise, they wouldn't seek solace in the arms of their mistress.
The wife starts and… wins
It is precisely because men visit their mistresses as if they were visiting that wives win. There are many cases when the unfaithful husband, cheerfully and laughing, rushed off to his mistress, and a couple of months later asked to go back to his old family. What happened? Why? After all, the calculating gentleman was so eager to start a new and beautiful life!
In fact, he suddenly faced another disappointment. It turns out that all partners are the same if a serious family life starts. And it doesn't matter whether there is a stamp in the passport or not. Women want stability, loyalty, reliability. But a man who has cheated once is not used to showing such qualities.
The age difference can also play a role, when a married man chooses to seduce girls who are 15-20 years younger than him. Such a couple has quite different interests and, apart from sex, there is nothing to talk about.
In addition, a lover who is going to try on another husband's status needs a well-established life - those notorious borscht, ironed shirts and a clean house. But not every passion will do this, because modern ladies need to build a career and also have fun.
And here the representatives of the stronger sex suddenly understand that they do not correspond to their partner. They are inexorably drawn to their ex-wives, home, where everything is clear, known, and loved ones accept them as they are, without trying to change them.
That is why most often in the battle of wife vs. mistress the latter loses. And this is confirmed by cold statistics: in 8 out of 10 cases cheating men return to their legal spouses.
Of course, other situations are not uncommon when a family breaks up, and this is forever. Sometimes the mistresses themselves refuse to continue dating their careless chosen one, realizing that waiting for a marriage proposal is simply useless. But still, the figures and facts are inexorable.
But if the wife wins, she will have to answer several pressing questions. Does she want to continue this relationship with a man who constantly cheated? How to forgive both herself and the unfaithful spouse? What to do to restore trust, love and passion? And sometimes the answers to these questions may not please the man at all.
