Psychologist Yulia Vatutina told how to stop being a victim in a relationship

The most difficult step in the fight against victimhood is the recognition of one’s position, that is, “acceptance” of the role of the victim.

Psychologist Yulia Vatutina told how to stop being a victim in a relationship.

It is difficult for a person to understand that he is a victim, because the partner receives this “status” gradually, under the influence of several factors at once.

Here are some of the factors.

• Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem may feel insecure and unable to protect their boundaries in relationships, which can lead to victimization.
• Unjustified trust: underestimation of threats and dangers emanating from a partner also leads to a victim position.
• Social isolation: People who feel lonely may seek love and support in any relationship, even if it is toxic and unsafe.
• Lack of boundary setting skills: The absence of personal boundaries gives carte blanche to the partner for abusive behavior.
• Psychological control: threats, blackmail, manipulation and hypercontrol drives the partner into the position of a victim.
• Physical and emotional abuse: Cruelty leads to the destruction of any personal boundaries and suppresses the partner, and “being downtrodden” is one of the most obvious signs of victimhood.

Anyone can become a victim in a relationship - this does not necessarily manifest itself in obvious cruelty, violence, etc., sometimes the signs of victimhood cannot be identified without outside help.

However, depending on their personality and inner principles, some people manage to minimize the risk of becoming a victim.

Therefore, if you discover prerequisites for victimhood (excessive trust, prolonged loneliness and despair, low self-esteem), it is better to contact a specialist in advance.

How do I know if I'm a victim?

There are several clear signs that may indicate a victim position in a relationship.

1. Your partner controls you: If your partner tries to control every aspect of your life (clothes, social circle, leisure time) and does not give you the right to personal boundaries, then this may be a sign that you are a victim in the relationship.
2. Your partner threatens you: If your partner threatens you with physical violence, breaking up, or their own torture, then this is a clear sign of abuse.
3. Your partner is taking you out of your inner circle: If your partner is trying to isolate you from your loved ones, friends or colleagues, this could also be a sign that your partner wants to make you their victim.
4. Your partner is abusive: If your partner is putting you down or showing you disrespect, it may be a sign that you are a victim of emotional abuse in the relationship.
5. Your partner is forcing you to do things you are not willing to do: If your partner is forcing you to do sexual things or other things you don't feel comfortable with, this is a sign of sexual abuse.
6. Your partner threatens your children or pets.

To combat relatively “harmless” signs of victimhood, it may be enough to work on yourself or go to a psychologist.

However, if a partner is violent, threatens or forces someone to do something, then the relationship must be ended, and in some cases, contact law enforcement agencies to prevent the manifestation of cruelty in the next relationship for this person.

Getting out of the victim position

If you are at the early stage of victimhood and it is not connected with violence and other cruel manifestations of your partner’s abuse, then you can stop being a victim on your own.

Here are some tips that can help you in your relationship.

1. Know your rights: Understanding your rights to your own opinions, desires, and interests in the relationship can help you recognize when your partner is overstepping the mark. For example, you have the right to be respected, to be free from control, and to make your own decisions.
2. Speak about your boundaries: It is necessary to voice to your partner where your personal boundaries begin and end. If your partner crosses these boundaries, say so directly, just without resorting to insults and aggression.
3. Be confident: Self-confidence will help you feel strong and independent in your relationships. Develop self-esteem and practice positive thinking.

And if self-sacrifice has nevertheless reached an unacceptable level, then you should also remember this advice.

1. Don't be afraid to end the relationship: If your partner doesn't respect you and doesn't consider your needs, don't be afraid to leave. It may be difficult, but it will ultimately be the best decision for you.
2. Seek support: Reach out to close friends or family. You can also seek help from professionals, psychologists or crisis centers.

Stopping being a victim in a relationship is difficult, but possible. It’s a process that takes time and effort, but with the right tools and support, you can move toward a healthy relationship.