Each of us understands in our own way that we no longer love the person with whom we lived, made plans, and ran a household together.
Psychologist Lyudmila Vildanova told how to end a relationship correctly: advice.
Some people realize this in one minute - abruptly, without the right to change their mind, while others lose the power of love drop by drop - slowly, as if dissolving their feelings in a solution.
It becomes somehow sad and lonely together. And we begin to wonder whether we want to continue or whether this is the end.
The desire to care, to talk, the desire simply disappears, everything disappears. At some point, a vector appears to begin to apply specific steps aimed at change.
Of course, you can try to maintain the connection and at least go to family psychotherapy to somehow fight for the relationship. But there are cases when there is neither the strength nor the desire for this.
But be that as it may, it is important to end the relationship, not exactly correctly, because everyone has their own right, and it is not clear what this right is, who determines these correct rules.
I am more of an adherent to the idea that it is important to break up WITH DECENCY: not to hurt even more and not to finish off at the end. People leave relationships in different ways.
Someone leaves suddenly, pretending that the relationship never happened. Without conversations and discussions, without clarifying the relationship. As if the relationship never happened. As if it just "seemed" to the other person that it happened.
Some resort to threats and hysterics, rolling out the heavy artillery of stormy scenes. Some try to hold on to the other by force. But the hardest thing in all breakups is to reach the point of resignation. That everything is over and there will be nothing between us anymore. The end.
To put an end to this story. And to put an end to it for myself - my own.
Don't return to resentment and anger, don't reproach your partner for not investing, for not appreciating or doing little. There is a lot of energy in anger and malice, but no humility at all.
It is important to admit when breaking up: this relationship was very valuable to me, and it hurts and saddens me that this relationship is ending.
Acknowledging your pain is a good sign that closure is underway. There is both the value of what was lived together and the pain of closure. And then neither closure cancels out the value, nor does value cancel out the importance or inevitability of forgiveness.
There are no universal rules and scenarios for "correct" cases of denouement. This is your unique life, the beauty and pain of your particular relationship.
Relationships end. The myth of eternal love is just a myth. Take your 50 percent responsibility for ending the relationship with dignity. And move on.
To summarize the above, I would like to highlight the following points, which it would be good to pay attention to when breaking up.
- Respect your partner and their feelings. Even if you never see them again.
- Divide the responsibility in half. It takes two hands to clap.
- Maintain your dignity.
- Don't leave silently. Try to explain your decision to your partner. Make sure that on the other side of your former love you are not left sitting in bewilderment and sadness.
- Be in touch with yourself and with reality.
Treat yourself with care. You are the one who will be with you for the rest of your life.
Breaking up and starting life from scratch is always very painful and difficult. Breaking up is always a long phantom pain. So please, take care of your unions.
There is nothing pleasant about divorces, no matter how correct they are.
