Attachment or appropriation?
Ekaterina Tur , an expert of the online publication "Belnovosti" and a psychosomatologist, told what is hidden behind the mask of love.
In a romantic relationship, there is always affection. After all, it is warmth, care and attention. It is affection that makes us understand how important and valuable our partner is to us.
However, the chance of reciprocity is reduced to 0, and already developing relationships end irrevocably if affection is confused with such a concept as “appropriation”.
Appropriation is the same as attachment, only in a negative way, when the care is suffocating, and the attention is too much and out of place, and the warmth does not warm, but inflicts “burns” so that you want to pull your hand away.
In such relationships, as a rule, there is unhealthy jealousy, strict control, and a complete violation of personal boundaries.
When appropriation and possession are mistaken for strong affection for a partner, the backlash from him can be astounding. Here it is: my love for him is strong, my attention is constant, I do everything for him. Why does he resist and seem to like nothing at all?
In attachment, the partner is important with all his thoughts and emotions. In appropriation, a person's feelings and moods lose importance - he turns into a thing, into an object of possession. Into a function that is assigned to him (often unconsciously). The partner himself is invisible behind our needs.
By appropriating, we convey to our partner that their value and importance work only on our terms, which do not take into account their emotions and priorities or limit their real manifestations.
Everyone wants to be seen as a person first and foremost, despite the fact that in a moment of weakness they may cry out: "Hold me tighter, don't let me go!" No one wants to be a source of energy for exhaustion. Unless someone has already become one, but has not yet realized it, mistaking appropriation for sincere affection.
