Psychologist Yulia Vatutina told how not to kill a child’s personality

Many parents don't think about whether they are raising their children correctly.

We think that orders and coercion work, but this is not true at all. Orders do not work, and the carrot-and-stick system can lead to negative consequences.

How can we really help our children? Psychologist-psychotherapist, coach Yulia Vatutina explains.

How to Maintain Your Personality: Universal Tips

There are several ways to preserve a child's identity:

1. Give your child the opportunity to express his individuality. Let him express his thoughts and feelings, put the child in a situation where he needs to make his own choices and decisions.
   Each child is unique, and the conditions for the manifestation of individuality depend on the characteristic features.
   In any case, parents should be prepared for the fact that their child may have different views and interests, and support him despite the differences.
2. Recognize and respect the child's opinion. Consult with him on "adult" issues, create conditions for him to think. If you ultimately make a decision that differs from the child's opinion, then he needs to explain your motivation.
3. Provide your child with a sense of security. The child should know that he can trust his parents and that they will always support him.
4. Limit your child's screen time. Too much time spent in front of the TV, computer, or smartphone can negatively impact a child's development.
5. Don't compare him to other children. Every child is unique and has his own strengths and weaknesses. Forget about the existence of "mom's friend's son", competition in matters of general development is of no use to a child.
6. Give your child the opportunity to experience new things and learn from them. Allow him to make safe mistakes and help him learn from them.
7. Support your child in various activities. Give him the opportunity to choose what he wants to do and support him in it.
8. Don't miss the opportunity to spend time with your child. Communicating with him will help strengthen your relationship and give you the opportunity to get to know each other better.
9. Limit the use of phrases such as "can't" and "shouldn't." Instead, explain to your child why certain things shouldn't be done and allow him or her to make decisions based on that information.
10. Be a good example for your child. The child will follow your behavior patterns, so try to be a role model for him.

Personality development in a child: advice from psychologists

Psychologists' advice on personal development concerns the creation of special conditions in the family:

1. Create conditions for self-expression. The child should be given the opportunity to express his personality, this is done by providing him with different opportunities. For example, you can offer the child to do creative work or let him choose his own clothes.
2. Help develop self-esteem. The child should understand that he is making progress. Encourage him at least verbally.
3. Consider age-related features. Children develop their personality gradually, there is no need to expect or demand anything from the child ahead of time. Parents should consider age-related features and adapt their approach to upbringing.
4. Create a trusting relationship. In order for a child to feel comfortable and express his or her personality, he or she needs to feel trust in their parents. Parents should encourage open dialogue.
5. Develop emotional intelligence. A child should be able to manage their emotions and understand the emotions of others. Parents can help them with this by participating in discussions of emotional situations and showing them how best to react in a given situation.

How to kill a personality: basic mistakes

There are several common parenting mistakes that can lead to the suppression of a child's personality:

• Too much control over the child. If parents control the child too much, not giving him the opportunity to show his individuality and make his own decisions, this can lead to the suppression of his personality.
• Inconsistency in rules and discipline. This can lead to a child not understanding and becoming confused in his own behavior patterns.
• Criticism and constant comments. If a child constantly hears criticism and comments from parents, this can lead to a decrease in self-esteem.
• Lack of attention and support. If a child does not receive enough attention and support from parents, this can lead to inner loneliness and the child's reluctance to express his or her personality.
• Lack of free time and opportunities for creative development. If a child does not have the opportunity to engage in creative activities and spend free time in accordance with his interests, this can lead to the suppression of his personality.
• Lack of trust and dialogue. If a child does not feel trusted by his parents and does not have the opportunity to communicate with them as equals, this can lead to the suppression of his personality and the development of low self-esteem.

Believe in your children, listen and give them freedom of choice. If something doesn't work out, try to put yourself in the child's place. Believe me, it helps. Raise wisely and with imagination.