Raising a child is not an easy task. And, of course, every parent can sometimes make the wrong decision about how to explain, how to do and what to say to a little person so that he or she understands everything correctly.
However, there are some things you should never say to your children.
1. "If you don't listen, I won't love you."
Firstly, it is unpleasant to hear such a thing. Secondly, it is a threat. Accordingly, the child understands that parents' promises should not be trusted. This way, you can lose the trust of your children for a long time.
It's better to say: "Right now I don't approve of your behavior. I love you and I want to tell you how to do it better."
2. "Do what you want"
Indifference is the most terrible thing. In families where parents did not care how and what their children lived, happy people cannot grow up. In such a situation, the child will begin to test how strong this indifference is.
It's better to say, "I want to help you. Let's try to solve this problem together."
3. “You must do what we say: we are older and know better.”
You can't think that someone can consider themselves right just because of their age. And, often, you need to listen to the child to understand why they are going to act this way and not another.
It would be much better to say: “Please tell me why you do this, and let’s decide together whether this is right.”
4. "I'll do it, you can't do it yourself yet"
If you often use this method of communication with a child, you can raise a spoiled and lazy person, for whom you will have to do something all his life. Such children will have a very hard time living later: after all, they themselves do not really know how to do anything.
"Try to do it yourself, and if it doesn't work, I'll help you" would be much more correct to say.
5. “You will be in this club/go to that university/you will not be friends with this girl/date that boy.”
Making such important decisions for a child, making fateful choices for them and forbidding them to communicate with someone are very common mistakes, and this never leads to anything good. In extreme cases, children can tell their parents that they are to blame for their fate/wrongly chosen profession/unhappy relationships, etc. And most often, the child, on the contrary, begins to do everything in defiance, because "forbidden fruit is sweet."
(This, of course, does not include emergency situations and individual cases where children get involved with those who can actually harm their life or health.)
It is much better and more correct to let the child choose what to do, with whom and how to build relationships. You can always be there, give advice and support, but not choose another person's fate for him.
6. "Sorry, but I don't have time for you right now."
Everyone is busy: with work, home, summer cottage and other things. However, if people have already decided to become parents, then they should devote time to their children. After all, if a child is not given attention at home, he will look for it on the street, and it is not a fact that he will get it from those from whom it is worthwhile. In addition, those people for whom the family always found time are much happier than those who were not given such attention.
You can say: “Please wait. Now I’ll finish all my chores and I’ll definitely play with you/read you a book/watch a movie together.”
7. "You ruined my life, if it weren't for you, I could have become famous/find myself a man/travel a lot"
A person makes the decision to become a parent himself. And it is certainly not the baby's fault that he was born. And he did not want to ruin the life of his mother or father. So in no case should you blame your personal problems and unfulfilled plans on your children.
8. “Why aren’t you like your father/brother/neighbor/Vasya from your class?”
Children, like adults, need to be loved and accepted for who they are. Therefore, such comparisons can push them toward unhealthy rivalry with their peers, resentment, and damaged relationships with their parents.
9. "Don't act like that. People are looking at you!"
This way you can easily raise a child with huge complexes, insecure and very dependent on other people's opinions. Every person is individual, and it's great to develop the characteristics and talents of your children, and not make them someone else's copies.
10. "You are bad/stupid/lazy/loser"
How can a person who has been told since childhood that he is somehow different treat himself? And this was said by the closest people - parents. Instead of giving assessments to a child, it is better to assess his actions. Not: "you are bad", but: "your actions are bad, but you can fix everything, and I will help you."
There are still many phrases that should not be said to children if parents want to raise happy people and have a trusting relationship with them.
Everyone decides for themselves how to raise their child, but we should not forget that children are individuals who have the right to their own choice, destiny and self-realization.
