Wild, uncontrollable, spoiled, aggressive... in a word - children.
Their antics, fights, disgusting words leave the deepest wounds, because we can’t do anything to counter them, because…
They are the most beloved and dear.
You can endlessly scold, lose your temper, cry together, punish... But let's be honest, this is unlikely to make your relationship warm and strong. Rather, it will distance, hurt, and destroy two of the closest souls, says Natalia Stukova , a psychologist and fairy tale therapist.
Moms who are lucky and your child is STILL angelic in nature, you understand that this does not mean that it will always be like this!?
Arm yourself now with recommendations to avoid damaging the “mother-child” bond.
1. Clearly formulate what exactly worries you about your child’s behavior.
Define this for both yourself and your child. For example, not "he whines all the time," but "he cries when we brush his teeth." Seeing the specific situation will make it easier for you to solve it than trying to "embrace everything at once."
2. Develop emotional intelligence.
The ability to recognize one's own and other people's feelings is one of the most important and useful skills in a person's life, which must be developed even in preschool age.
Be open about your emotions and teach all family members to do the same: “I was upset because you lied,” “I was scared because you ran away,” etc. Don’t discount feelings: replace “Don’t be afraid” with “You’re safe”; “Don’t whine” with “You’re sad,” etc.
3. Talk.
It is surprising, but most parents talk a lot about their children instead of talking to them. Sincerely discuss your child's interests, answer questions, ask about what he/she likes/dislikes, and talk about yourself. Situations of "bad behavior" should also be discussed and explained what the consequences are.
Feel the difference between the phrases:
- If you insert something into a socket, you may get an electric shock.
- You can't touch the socket because I said so.
4. Find common interests.
It is very important to show genuine interest in your child’s desires. Even if you are not close to his choice, ask: “Why does he like this?” You may discover something new.
For example, if a child is actively experimenting with style, you can go shopping together; if he or she is into anime, you can draw the characters together using online classes.
5. Praise children.
Colorfully and sincerely emphasize the child’s merits, successes and good deeds.
In our society it is customary to scold children, but no one taught us to praise.
In Soviet pedagogy, it was customary to address not just the child, but what he could be. Show your child "a mirror that reflects his best qualities."
6. Have family get-togethers
These can be: trips to nature, visiting exhibitions/concerts/mass events; games (board, sports, interactive (quests), intellectual - any); watching movies or reading books.
Any leisure activity that fills the family with warmth, comfort and leaves shared memories.
Share your impressions with each other, discuss what you saw.
An example of one of the good Soviet films for the family is “Republic of SHKID”.
7. Talk about yourself.
About how your age of rebellion passed. How you overcame difficulties and fuck-ups.
BUT there is one trick. You can't say anything directly and idealize yourself. The teenager will consider it a lecture. But doing it as if indirectly, by the way, is a very effective move.
For example, a friend came to visit mom and you ask the child to leave the room so that he does not listen to "adult conversations." But close the door loosely so that the necessary meaning of the conversation is conveyed to the child. After all, he will definitely turn on his "big ear," because everything forbidden is very interesting.
8. Sing in turns.
Another way to maintain and strengthen the connection is to have each family member take turns doing their favorite activity.
For example, when you go somewhere together, take turns listening to the song that each of you likes.
9. Educate with fairy tales.
A fairy tale is an effective method of conveying your thoughts in a gentle, careful form, without lectures and moralizing.
Translate the desired plot and meaning into a fairy tale format. Tell it yourself or together with the child, giving him the opportunity to become a participant in the “educational process”.
Your own fairy tale will have a greater effect on your child, because only you know, feel and understand him.
I recommend changing the names of the prototype characters. For example, if the daughter's name is Valya, then let the fairy tale have Princess Varya. This way, the child's psyche will be able to perceive the "teachings" more easily.
10. The most important rule is to become a "stepmother" during the period of rebellion.
It is necessary to assign rights and responsibilities to the child and stipulate sanctions in case of their failure to comply.
And it is important that these rules are ironclad and fair. For everyone!
That is, if there is a rule in the house “put things away in the closet immediately,” then both mom and dad must follow this rule.
Love your children, spend time with them, share your emotions, tell them about their value - this is the best cure for uncontrollable children.
Important
Specific recommendations can only be given with detailed knowledge of the situation. And these general points will be useful and effective in any case.
