Psychologist Anastasia Shavyrina explains the dangers of the straight-A student syndrome
The straight-A syndrome is a popular name for a common psychological attitude in which a person feels very bad about his or her mistakes and does everything possible to look good in the eyes of other people.
Such an “excellent student” always strives for praise and unrealistic perfection.
Everything must be correct, clean, perfectly learned, and so on, says psychologist, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and psychology teacher Anastasia Shavyrina .
Doesn't sound so bad? What's so terrible about someone wanting to be better?
There is a problem - excellent people achieve all this at the cost of their own health, relationships with loved ones and to the detriment of their own interests. But we will return to this later.
The phenomenon of this specific perfectionism began to be studied by psychologists in the 1930s. The famous and respected Karen Horney, an American psychoanalyst, and the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler contributed to the research. They found out that the nature of this neurosis lies in a person’s inability to accept their imperfections.
The excellent student syndrome can begin to form long before and during school, but it is essential in childhood. This is driven by social attitudes and parental demands, which become the golden rule: "if I am an excellent student, then I am good." At home, on the street, and when visiting - anywhere, "an excellent student" sounds proud. In all other cases, the child, and then the adult, feels unloved, not needed enough, not recognized and not talented. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to have a bad relationship with parents in childhood.
Often adults, coming to therapy with this problem, find that they do not remember open conflicts with mom and dad, do not remember how they were forced to study well or scolded for Bs. Although these cases are also present in practice. But in such a situation, the reason is obvious. And if there are no cases of quarrels?
This means that at some point, the child, due to the parents' reactions, realized and concluded that he gets more love and attention when he does good. And by doing excellently and flawlessly, the child multiplied this pleasant reaction of adults. And so it turns out - the adults did not insist, did not scold for mistakes, but the attitude remained.
If something is not done perfectly, it does not count - this is the main position of the "straight A student syndrome". The most important thing in the life of such a person is to achieve a perfect result and be sure to get the highest mark from others. If at school these are teachers and parents, then in adult life such figures will be the boss, the second half and friends.
The fact that people with the straight-A syndrome demand the same from everyone around them – to meet the highest standards – adds to the complexity. Excessive expectations from people become a reason for quarrels. Strict conditions complicate relationships with loved ones and prevent them from building strong ties. As a result, personal life and starting a family can become a real problem.
A person with the straight-A syndrome is never satisfied with themselves. Whatever they do and no matter how much they work, it is never enough to feel professional and successful. They cannot evaluate their successes sensibly and fairly. And such people also feel very bad if they fail to be “straight A students”. No matter how highly qualified they are, one “B”, that is, a remark from a boss, a recommendation from a colleague, or a request from a client, becomes a reason for them to worry and become disappointed in themselves.
The constant desire to meet other people's expectations negatively affects the psychological state of "straight A students". At the same time, these expectations are often unrealistically high, which means it is impossible to meet them. But the victims of the syndrome believe - "If there are rules, they must be followed. They could not have been invented just like that."
Everything in the world should be right and perfect – also the position of the “straight A student”. It sounds good, but implausible. When we remember that the world is not black and white, it teaches us to compromise, we can cope with injustice, which is inevitable. But the “straight A student syndrome” does not allow the psyche to accept such tactics. A person falls into an acute state of anxiety, loses concentration, feels bad, gets sick, denies what is happening.
Our society is well adapted to ensure that people do not want to part with this syndrome for as long as possible. Incentives and bonuses at work, employee ratings in companies (consider the same grades at school), fines for misconduct - all this allows the excellent student syndrome to bloom and smell, taking root in a person. The situation is aggravated by the fact that we are all experiencing the fashion for perfectionism - in clothes, cleaning, schedule, raising children, at work. But there is a big difference between striving for the ideal and the excellent student syndrome. A bad habit begins to take over a person and he is no longer able to sensibly assess his actions.
Is it possible to get rid of the excellent student syndrome?
A question that interests everyone who recognized themselves or someone they know in the description. Yes, you can and should.
The first recommendation is to visit a psychologist. Try to set aside time and budget to work on this issue. It will pay off with freedom from the syndrome, a feeling of happiness and lightness. Imagine that the inflated demands of others no longer bother you. Wonderful, isn't it?
Secondly, you need to work on your self-esteem. Try to assess the level of your professional skills and personal qualities. Take a piece of paper, a pen and write down in a column everything you can do or do at work. On another piece of paper, list all your positive human traits. Treat the task responsibly, as you can.
Look at both of these lists and really think about how all of this is already a part of you. Own it, take every aspect into account. You are already good enough to be loved, liked, and respected. You no longer have to work your ass off to get more praise. Because you have already done a great job.
