Love or Control: 5 Warning Signs in Relationships
Any relationship: love, friendship, parent-child or other implies codependency.
And that's not bad! It's important to differentiate between care/attention and control.
Let's figure out what the differences are together with psychologist Ksenia Matur.
Care is diligent trouble, anxious care, a set of actions aimed at some object, with the aim of improving its well-being.
Control is the observation and verification of the functioning process and the actual state of the controlled object or subject. In other words, it is the process of observing the life of a partner, checking the reliability of information, often violating his personal boundaries.
And if in the case of care all actions are aimed at the well-being and improvement of the quality of life of the partner, then in the case of control the actions are aimed at the psychological reassurance of the one who controls, and this does not improve the life of the one who is controlled, but often worsens and infringes on his interests and boundaries.
5 warning signs in relationships:
1. You began to communicate less with relatives, friends, rarely go anywhere without your partner. And perhaps you go everywhere only with him.
2. Your loved one constantly monitors who you communicate with, what you do, writes to you, calls you, or even worse – checks your phone.
3. Your partner often blames you for something, and you have to apologize and explain every action. Report like a small child to his parents.
4. You are often given conditions about what you should be and what you should do, how to live, what to wear, how to respond and how to behave.
5. When you can't buy everything you want. You have to explain and justify your purchases, or even hide your purchases and use them in secret from your partner. Even if you buy it with your own money.
The main thing you need to understand is that control can limit your freedom under the guise of good intentions. Often you don’t even have time to notice how pleasant care has closed a tight ring around your freedom, like a snake around a fluffy rabbit.
If you feel that you need to pretend to be another person, make a lot of effort on yourself, try to please your partner or avoid conflicts and his aggressive reaction to your actions - it means it's time to sound the alarm.
You can contact a specialist or with the help of your loved ones and friends, assess the degree of adequacy of your relationship. And talk to your partner about it as soon as possible to clarify your boundaries!
