Very often parents say words and expressions to their child without thinking. But a word can cause great damage to the psyche and further development of personality.
A child's idea of himself is formed based on the words that an adult says.
Therefore, there are phrases that should not be said to children:
“Don’t cry, calm down, you’re already an adult” or “Boys don’t cry”
Thus, the manifestation of feelings is prohibited, the pain inside will accumulate, manifesting itself in neuroses or aggression.
In this situation, you can: hug, calm the child, identify his feelings (resentment, anger, pain). This will help the child to evaluate emotions in the future, not to be afraid to express them. When he becomes an adult, he will treat his loved ones with sensitivity and attention.
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“If you misbehave, your uncle (the police/you’ll go to an orphanage, etc.) will take you away!”
This expression casts doubt on the adult's words, the phrase is repeated, but nothing happens.
The child understands that these words are worthless and can also relate to other statements of the adult. Particularly impressionable children can react with fears and nightmares.
In this situation, you can: interest him in some game, distract him, suggest doing something together (bake a pie for dad/paint a picture, etc.).
“Don’t tell dad” or “Just don’t tell mom”
The authority of the adult is questioned, parents are set against each other. The child feels uncomfortable and is torn between loved ones.
In this situation, you can: if you need to hide something, do not involve children at all. If the situation has already happened, tell the child the truth and why it is important now, so that no one knows about the secret.
“Eat everything so that your plate is clean! You save strength!”
The surest way to an eating disorder. The child may already be full.
In this situation, you can: let the child say how much soup or main course he wants, thereby learning to control his appetite. You can always put more afterwards.
There are periods when the child has not moved much, has not been in the fresh air, has not expended much energy, then he has no appetite and this is normal.
“Give, share, don’t be greedy!”
This violates the child’s personal boundaries and feelings.
In this situation, you can: show by example – it is good to share, it is fun to play together. It is necessary to remember that there are moments when you need to defend your rights to personal things. In this case, provide support and protection to the child.
“Look, the boy (girl, sister, etc.) does it better than you!”
Comparing a child with someone else devalues the child's actions and personality. He becomes unsure of himself.
In this situation, it is possible to: better find strengths, motivate, support in new achievements.
“How many times do I have to say this? You promised!”
The child's psyche is flexible, he lives here and now. Demanding promises is simply pointless. It is difficult for a child under 7 to regulate his behavior.
In this situation, you can: teach the child to think, to reflect. This way, he will learn self-regulation faster. For simple tasks: pick up toys, wash hands, make the bed, etc., involve toys - assistants that encourage the child ("Bunny asks to tidy up toys").
“You can’t do it, let me do it”
The child's desire to do something is devalued, self-esteem suffers. The experience that the child gains independently is very important for the development of personality.
In this situation, you can: support the initiative, if you can't give advice on something. It often happens that parents are in a hurry, there is no time to wait, then you need to explain to the child, and next time give the opportunity to do it independently.
“Take the candy (toy, tablet) – just calm down!”
A child's screaming and hysteria drive adults to extremes, what was forbidden some time ago is now allowed. The child thus learns to manipulate.
In this situation, you can: calm down, exhale, try to distract the child. It is important not to change the decision. The child will understand and accept the rules, will become calmer.
“What kind of hook-hands are you, you’re so stupid, lazy, etc.”
Often parents say various “epithets” to their child, labeling them and forming incorrect ideas about themselves in the child.
It is possible in this situation: everyone makes mistakes, the child will hear criticism from someone more than once. Parents should emphasize the good sides and actions: a brave heart, a bright head, fast legs, etc.
A child trusts parents, words, and actions on an intuitive level. Information that is laid down from childhood accompanies the whole life. Therefore, it is important for parents to give the right guidelines in their speech.
