Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov told how to deal with children's aggression
Depending on the child's age and specific behavioral manifestations, it is possible to limit children's aggression and create conditions under which it will cease to be beneficial to the child (and therefore to you).
To do this, you need to understand that the child does not think about aggression or, as they call it in professional slang, “deviant behavior” constantly or even regularly.
This is a habitual, sometimes completely unconscious, reaction of a child to certain influences - sometimes immediate, sometimes delayed in time and with a cumulative effect - depending on the characteristic features of the person; but it always manifests itself in one way or another in a thinking and feeling living organism.
There is nothing new here, and nothing particularly dangerous – unless the situation is neglected. There is no need to fight children's aggression in principle, because it is “too late,” says psychologist Andrey Kashkarov .
Yes, we can talk about not allowing excessive narcissism and impudence on the part of the child towards you.
But the child’s character is mostly formed after 3 years, and you can only tolerate something, create a dependence, somehow motivate “his patience”, but you will still feel behavioral manifestations, and the more strength the child has, the more and deeper.
This is the so-called “fathers and sons” problem, described many times, including well in classical literature.
In addition, it is necessary to understand that aggressive behavioral manifestations can be intentional (thoughtful) and unconscious. This is the reason for the different methods of stopping them.
Therefore, the problem is not new, but has significant characteristic features associated with the influence of new times and circumstances on people.
A modern child is accustomed to the availability of information, and some statements that the Internet suddenly being turned off is like a light (or lamp) going out in the dark are quite true.
Even article titles in the hyper-information age (and it will be even worse in this area) are read “diagonally”, that is, running their eyes over the words of the title, and if they “don’t grab” or interest them, people move on to the next (title).
The need to watch short videos of 1-3 minutes duration is approximately of the same nature. And there is everything there – all this is “educational content” that influences the child’s behavior. And in the complex of reasons for the child’s deviant behavior are his narcissistic demands.
Let's consider this case. A family with older relatives at the head and children aged 3-10 years old gathered at the table.
A grandmother who didn’t buy the girl the gift she wanted “on time” (just like that, not on her birthday) brings a mug of tea to her mouth, and a 6-year-old child hits the hand with the mug from below, and due to the surprise effect, the contents spill onto the table.
This is a retaliatory, delayed and sometimes unconscious aggression of a child towards an older relative; adults can even use the evaluative word “revenge”, but it will not correspond to reality.
Because the child's reaction is not conscious. This is an example of such a peculiar aggression. But what are the reasons - if neither at home, nor in kindergarten (possibly), the child has not seen such an example?
And an example of behavior is sometimes given by uncontrolled viewing of "videos" where pranksters show various similar "jokes". Moreover, a teenager more or less understands the inappropriateness of repeating "examples" in a specific situation. But a kindergartener does not yet.
Partly for the same reason, children become "uncontrollable." That is, this is the opinion of parents or witnesses to the situation.
In fact, an adequate person is quite manageable, but for this you need to take a close interest in him – to know his anxieties, hopes, dreams, plans, value judgments and, in general, the emotional state of your child.
Only then – knowing your child and with the obligatory condition of your authority for children – can you “manage”, influence, and educate them. And many parents literally “have no time”.
And a school or educational institution other than a boarding school cannot replace home education.
When parents “have no time” to give their child an electronic gadget with accessible and unlimited Internet with the goal of “leave me alone” is a very stupid and bad form, leading to pedagogical neglect of children.
Hence the brief interim conclusions. Limit uncontrolled Internet content for your younger children - as an example of behavior considered "normal". Or do not be surprised at anything.
