Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov told how to become good parents
It's amazing how almost every parent considers themselves to be "good."
The more often a conditional comparison of specific parental involvement with... other parents occurs, the more pronounced the evaluative judgments become.
And this comparison occurs very subjectively and according to the laws known in psychology.
So, it is human nature to justify any of our actions to others (and society), and it has been like this since time immemorial. Rarely can someone admit their mistakes quickly, clearly and simply.
However, in addition to the “adult” view, there is also a child’s view of both parent-child relationships and the actions of parents, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
These evaluative judgments on the part of the child towards his own parents are also subjective and are connected with a complex spectrum of information analyzed in comparison with the behavior of other parents towards their children; after all, children communicate well and often share impressions with each other about what is happening around them and at home.
The main task of a “good parent” is to give a developing individual the skills to overcome the complexities of the adult world.
This concerns promising and competitive education in various fields (you can “guide” a child to a red diploma, or you can give him outstanding sports skills), the same concerns the creation of psychological comfort and trusting relationships in the family.
As for the first – educational route, the main thing is to maintain a certain harmony of development, that is, to develop many areas almost simultaneously.
But in practice this rarely works out equally, because the time for classes is not “elastic”, and the level of children’s receptivity is limited.
The worst thing is when parents get carried away with raising a child as an object of their own unrealized fantasies and dreams. Including professional and career ones.
There are cases when children are literally forced to go to music school because "mom loves jazz" and sees her child as at least a genius musician. Some children "go" and "spit".
Some parents also believe that (like a soldier in the army) a child needs to be constantly occupied with something, then he allegedly will not get involved with bad company. All this is both smart and stupid.
Therefore, it is important to understand not only parental desires, but also children’s preferences, capabilities and aspirations.
Indeed, up until adolescence, it is possible to “mold” a child into almost anything the parent wants, and arguments in favor of certain activities are always found; it is difficult for a child to resist adult “pressure.”
And in adolescence, puberty, this “moment of truth” appears, when a teenager, having acquired the strength of moral and even physical resistance, “suddenly” (in fact, he had long intended to) declares his choice of independence and determination of his own life and interests.
Parents (sometimes) are in shock - supposedly so much effort, money and time has been spent on doing this and that, and it’s all wasted.
To avoid this error of obviousness, which is often repeated in generations, it is necessary to be attentive to details, to pay attention to the needs and aspirations (desires) of the child.
Yes, there are cases, and not infrequently, when even in the final grades there is a failure of career guidance, and the teenager is at a loss to answer the question of what he wants to become in adulthood: he went to music school, and they taught him how to draw in art school, and he plays chess, and on top of that he knows the rules of women's football.
But still, with a careful approach to children, one way or another it is clear what the child really wants and what he is able to do.
Parental will and "direction" of children is, of course, important, but it is no less important to maintain trust in the parent-child relationship. This is the main task (and quite difficult - considering what has been said) of parents.
Only without losing trust can one really influence a son or daughter, including during adolescence, an age of trials.
An example of attentive attitude to a child in middle school can be like this: You saw that the girl is inclined to a strange style - she puts on makeup and imitates some witches incomprehensible to parents by their external features.
Keep up with the times - this style became popular back in 2022 and it's called "monstruaz". Find out about the style yourself and stay up to date with the developments.
If you tell a teenager that you are aware of style and even support it, you will hardly be able to imagine a better friend.
From adult parenting experience, including career experience, we know: to influence events, you need to lead them. In this case, your attention to your own children has approximately the same meaning.
Live not so much by your desires (in relation to children), but also by their interests; instead of rabid criticism and ridicule, take an interest in their lives and then... you will most likely be able to maintain trust for a long time.
This is where the main problem and the main task of a good parent manifests itself in our turbulent times.
