How to Raise a Little Gentleman: A Psychologist Reveals Secrets
The education of children, from the time of ancient man, when slaves who took children to school, socialized them and improved their skills, were called "teachers", and to this day always occurs through example and repetition of knowledge.
An example for a child can be everything: what is seen and heard, what is generally understood. This is how the concept of a conditional safe norm arises, notes psychologist Andrey Kashkarov. A child, for example, at the age of 4, does not yet think consciously in all categories, but can already explain what he has seen and understood in his own, and sometimes original, words.
For example, if a mother speaks badly “out loud” about a friend, but smiles sweetly at her friend in person, this does not escape the child’s attention.
As for a gentleman, the concept has many accents, and in our time it has become conditional. Nevertheless, if we take into account the main components of the concept - honor, dignity, careful attention and delicacy to a woman, her protection, then we can immediately recall the words of Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle): a gentleman should not think about danger when a lady needs help.
All this is conditional today, when a modern lady in behavioral signs and applications, motivation and educational "examples" is far from the "ideals" of Victorian and later England, the "weakness" of a lady is conditional both in kindergarten and in adult manifestations of character. And all children see this.
The situation makes it somewhat difficult to raise boys in the spirit of gentlemanliness, but even today it is still possible if the boy has before his eyes a positive male example of a father who displays “gentlemanly behavior” in the family.
To exhibit such behavior, a man must want to, but is not obliged to do it. This is today's reality. And in the gentleman's understanding, a man's behavior does not depend on the situation: he simply "owes" the lady.
Some ladies prefer a pedagogical position, where it is better not to have any dad than one who, in their subjective opinion, is not suitable for upbringing. But this is very conditional and... fraught with parental pedagogical error, which happens "all the time".
The choice of elements of raising a boy depends on the specific situation, and the general direction is that one should be tactful and considerate towards a woman, that is, think not only about yourself, but also about her.
One of the practical elements, which is applicable to today's relationships and practices, is to set an example and teach a boy to give flowers to girls (sisters, mother, girls in kindergarten and maybe at school). It is practically done like this.
Tell your child how girls would like to receive flowers as a gift from him. Even without a reason, you can go to a flower shop and choose a bouquet(s) - for sisters, mom or girls you know. Let the young man choose or even pay (with your credit card). This decision gives several useful skills: he chose himself, he wanted to give, he paid himself. That is, the conventional male educational model "choice-decision-action" works.
By the same principle, if you make it a habit and reinforce it with other examples and elements of "gentlemanly" upbringing, you can introduce a young man to gentlemanly culture. But the main thing is not a one-time, but a systematic visual example, and preferably a male one.
