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Psychologist Elena Katsyuba explained why a child has low self-esteem
10.03.2023 14:00
Updated: 14.04.2023 13:17
The reasons for a child's low self-esteem can be both internal and external. Let's look step by step at how to build a strategy for each case.
Psychologist Elena Katsyuba explained why a child has low self-esteem.
Strict upbringing and lack of clear rules
Most often, the reason for a child’s increased critical attitude towards himself is the actions of his own parents.
We are talking about severe excesses in upbringing, when a parent demands too much from a child, raises his voice, allows himself to constantly snap at him, belittles and devalues him.
An anxious and low self-esteem child also grows up in families where there are no clear rules of conduct. The child does not understand in what cases how to behave, cannot determine what is good and what is bad, and for what he can be punished.
What to do? First of all, you need to eliminate these reasons. The second stage is to start talking to the child.
If he is already older than 5 years, you can talk at a more complex level: honestly admit your mistakes, explain that you behaved incorrectly towards him and will now act differently.
Don't be afraid of losing authority, because love and understanding are much more important here. You will still remain the main person for him.
The next stage is to start raising self-esteem. We are sincerely interested in his opinion, favorite activities, friends, we rejoice in successes, praise for big and small achievements. At the same time, there is no need to go to extremes and overpraise.
Once trust has been established, we talk about his experiences, worrying situations, talk through these moments, and select variable forms of behavior.
The child copies the parent's behavior
When a parent is afraid of the world, downplays his own abilities and belittles his own personality, it would be very strange to expect his own child to behave differently. How can you find out that the problem is in the parent?
Put yourself in his place and listen to your feelings. For example, a child feels stressed and insecure because at school the teacher yells at him or at the whole class.
A parent needs to ask themselves: what do they feel when their boss yells at them? If they are overcome by the same emotions, it means that their child is copying their behavior model.
The situation can be corrected only when the parent works through their low self-esteem - with a specialist or independently. And only after that can you start a conversation with the child, work out various models of behavior in situations that are difficult for him to cope with due to increased anxiety and a critical attitude towards himself.
Low self-esteem is the result of external influences
A child's low self-esteem may be a consequence of the influence of the outside world - friends, classmates, teachers. For example, at home you don't usually yell at others, and when a child encounters this phenomenon at school, he may decide that something is wrong with him, that he doesn't measure up to a certain level.
First, you need to find out what is bothering the child and where the roots of the developing low self-esteem are. And then talk about and explain the motives of the person who influenced the appearance of these symptoms.
For example, if the issue is with a teacher who yells and belittles children, you don't need to run to school and sort things out with the teacher. You need to teach the child to resolve these situations independently, but armed with information.
Explain to him that yelling is an emotion of the person yelling, and nothing more. It is possible that something happened to the teacher, he is tired, irritated, etc. But this has nothing to do with the fact that something is wrong with you.
Or, for example, a vocal teacher said that the child would not become a musician, and his initial great desire to perform and sing turned into stage fright.
Explain that this is one person's subjective opinion and that with effort, anyone can do it. Praise, support and overcome stage fright in small steps.
Love and support are two main factors that will help increase a child's self-esteem.
