Have you ever wondered why some couples fall asleep hugging each other, while others silently turn away to the wall?
In 2023, TikTok user @HappyFamilyMom posted a video of her family playing board games before bed.
The video has garnered 15 million views and a flurry of comments: “We did this for years until we got divorced,” “Does it work?”
The answer came from an unexpected source. Scientists at Oxford University conducted an experiment: 200 families kept diaries of their evening rituals.
Those who spent at least 20 minutes doing something together—whether it was playing, reading, or even cleaning—showed 57% higher levels of marital satisfaction.
Dr. Sarah Carter, author of The Night as a Resource, explains:
"Sharing activities before bedtime synchronizes the biological rhythms of partners. It's like hitting a reset button for emotions."
But not all rituals are created equal. Actress Blake Lively told Harper's Bazaar that her family avoids phones an hour before bed.
"We came up with a 'silent hour': we draw, talk about dreams, or just remain silent. It's our way of slowing down time."
Stanford psychologists confirm that screens before bedtime reduce melatonin levels by 30%, increasing irritability. But stories from social networks prove that even strange habits can save relationships.
For example, a Canadian couple on the TikTok account @MidnightChefs cooks midnight sandwiches together. “It’s funny, but with crumbs on our pillows, we forget about our fights,” they wrote.
However, the main secret lies not in the actions, but in their sequence.
A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that families who repeat the same rituals 4-5 times a week are less likely to argue about money and children.
For example, Jason and Emily, a family from Florida, make a list of "3 good things that happened to me every day" every night.
"It was ridiculous at first," Jason says, "but after a month I realized I was looking forward to this moment like a kid looks forward to cartoons."
Psychotherapist Mark Manson warns on the Life Unfiltered podcast:
"Ritual is not magic. If you hate board games, don't torture yourself. Find something that makes you laugh, not yawn."
The most unexpected example comes from Japan. A couple in Tokyo started wrapping gifts for each other before going to bed. It didn’t matter what was inside – a new pen or a crumpled piece of paper with the inscription “Thank you”.
"It's like a daily affirmation: 'You matter,'" the wife explained in an interview with NHK . The video, tagged #NightGifts, went viral, garnering 8 million likes in a week. But what if your partner hates surprises?
Dr. Carter advises:
"Ask, 'What does caring mean to you?' The answer may shock you. One man said it was... washing dishes in silence. His wife cried when she heard that."
Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson writes in his book 12 Rules for Life:
“Family is not those who sleep under the same roof, but those who wake up together for dialogue.” Evening rituals are the bridge between “I” and “we.”
As a Forbes study showed, 68% of couples who went to bed at different times considered divorce within a year. But those who found their "night code" were able to survive even infidelity.
The story of Mike and Sarah from Chicago is proof: after the crisis, they began reading aloud the children's books they loved in their youth.
"Laughing at silly rhymes took us back to when we were just fools in love," Sarah said.
