"He bought me a vacuum cleaner for our anniversary!" your friend complains, and you don't understand what the problem is.
Because for him it is a symbol of care, and for her it is a reminder of everyday life.
In 2023, Cambridge scientists published a study in Nature : male and female brains process the same words differently.
For example, the phrase “Let’s talk” activates areas associated with empathy in women, and fear centers in men.
"It's an evolutionary mechanism," explains anthropologist Helen Fisher. "Women see conversation as a way to connect, men see it as a threat of criticism."
The story of John and Lisa from the TV series "The Office" has become a meme: he gives her a cup with the inscription "Best wife", and she is furious.
A real-life New York couple repeated the story: "I gave him football tickets and he said, 'Do you want me to leave the house?'
"It turns out he was dreaming about going to the movies together," Emily said on the Modern Love podcast.
Psychologist John Gottman , author of The 7 Principles of a Happy Marriage, says:
“68% of conflicts in couples are not disagreements, but “translators” from male to female.”
But how do you break through the wall of misunderstanding? Dr. Fisher suggests the "translation method": If he says, "I'm tired," ask, "Do you mean physically or emotionally?"
A viral experiment on TikTok found that couples who used the technique were 40% less likely to argue.
For example, blogger @CoupleTalks asked subscribers to paraphrase their partner's phrases for a week. The results were shocking:
She said, "Put on your hat," and I heard, "You're a weakling." Now I'm asking, "Are you worried I'll freeze?"
Another stumbling block is attention. A Psychology Today study found that women notice their partner’s new hairdo in 2.3 seconds, while men need an average of 4 days. But this is not indifference.
Neuroscientists at MIT have discovered that the male brain filters out "unimportant" details to focus on problem solving.
"When I don't notice her dress, she thinks I don't love her. I'm just trying to figure out how to fix a faucet," wrote Reddit user FixItGuy .
Sex therapist Emily Nagoski writes in her book, How a Woman Wants It:
"Men often confuse sex with emotional intimacy, women - vice versa."
Example: A couple from Texas had been arguing for 10 years about the frequency of their sex life. During therapy, it became clear that he saw sex as a confirmation of love, while she saw it as a result of trust.
The solution? They started "non-sexual dates": back massages without expectations, walks holding hands. Within a month, their passion was back - without demands or resentment.
But there is a flip side. Men's Health magazine published shocking data: 54% of men cry alone because they are afraid of looking weak.
Actor Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson admitted in an interview with GQ :
"After the divorce, I cried in the garage, but my friends still don't know about it."
Psychotherapist Terry Real writes in her book I Don't Want to Discuss It:
"Male depression often looks like anger, female depression looks like apathy. But both scream, 'I'm in pain.'"
The culmination was an experiment by Cosmopolitan magazine. Couples swapped roles for a week: men kept diaries of feelings, women solved everyday problems.
The result? 89% of participants said: “Now I know why he/she is going crazy.” As Freud said: “Love is a 24/7 translator’s job.”
