In the modern world, where people are typically focused on their own (and family) interests, the only way to completely avoid a consumerist attitude towards oneself is through a radical method, that is, through complete and voluntary isolation.
We won’t talk about involuntary isolation, because everything is clear here.
However, few people are able to systematically and intentionally oppose themselves to society to the point of refusing to communicate and interact. But such an opportunity is open to everyone.
This is true, as is the fact that in almost any work or production team there is a person on whom everyone "rides". Typically this happens, but there are peculiarities in the cause-and-effect relationship, - says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
How to learn to say "no"
To do this, you must feel confident - physically and psychologically. That is, have grounds for confidence.
A well-known and fair saying is "the higher the goals, the higher the cost of a mistake." You can ignore it in the manner of Baron Munchausen's style. This style is briefly defined as follows. Not taking yourself seriously personally, while being responsible for what you do.
That is, let's talk about an ironic or sarcastic approach to one's own significance and importance. If you adhere to this rule (above), then the consequences of your behavior cannot depress you, so the answer "no" to another attempt to involve you in non-core tasks or additional work should not upset you personally.
Because you "turn on" the definition of "purple" within reasonable limits. Does it matter what anyone thinks of you?.. And this is already the beginning of restoring "personal boundaries" both at home and at work.
In family relationships
As for "no" in family relationships, nothing will help except open and trusting communication and conversation with your partner. You can tell your partner that you have "personal time" and bury your face in your phone.
But we assure you – without explanations – no one will understand this or will cause adequate reactions. Here you need to look at the root of what you see in the prospects of such a family. Most likely – nothing. Because a family is always trust and a balance of interests, and not their distortion.
But as far as family communication is concerned, it is much more complicated, since two people are leading it and are responsible for the relationship; a partner may “not understand” a sharp change in the balance of power and interests in joint plans and begin to act, for example, similarly, adequately (and he has the right...) - and this will ultimately ruin everything...
Therefore, we are not talking about family relationships, but about how to say “no” in the production sphere, where there is a clear program for completing tasks, job instructions and an employment contract.
However, it is also possible to avoid a “one-sided bias” or consumer attitude in family relationships. This should only be decided at a family council. You clearly state what you want to get and agree on what you must do to achieve it. Or disagree. There is almost always a path of compromise. That is why family plans exist – structured and extended in time.
In the manufacturing sector
Why do they place seemingly additional expectations or demands on you? The answer is obvious – because you fulfill them or have already proven yourself in this field.
There is no point in regretting the past - it is now an archive, history. To stop being reliable and "break" the established reputation without damaging the professional attitude, the following steps are suitable.
Unpredictable actions
Take a vacation, at least without pay, if you can't take another one. And forget about work.
In all that has been said, it is clear and important that the problem is not in those who "burden you" with additional responsibilities or try to use and exploit you, but in you yourself. You do only what you consider necessary.
For example, according to well-known statistics, people in our country try to earn money using all opportunities. Two or three jobs - the main thing is to keep up.
Of course, explaining to them that they need to take a vacation, sleep at least 10 hours, or go on a trip (outside of the high tourist season) is futile; they will still find reasons to work and “tolerate” the inconveniences associated with increased workload.
Such people believe that there is some magic pill that someone on the Internet will share with them for free... Instead, you need to develop yourself and alternative opportunities, become as independent as possible from circumstances. Even if you have a mortgage on yourself...
Ask your colleagues for help
This can be done at the next planning meeting or conference, justifying it accordingly by the fact that you are already completing a significant number of tasks, and successfully.
Present yourself in an alternative way - show that you are busy
That is, show yourself from a side unknown to others. If you are an accountant, invite (on occasion) colleagues to your sports club for relaxation; on the one hand, this will surprise them, and on the other hand, it will show that you are busy in addition to professional work issues - and this will have to be taken into account.
That is, increase your importance. And you need to do this not in words, but in concrete terms - namely, by inviting someone to a specific place and time - for relaxation, for example. In this case, posting your "alternative achievements" on social networks is not enough.
Because you need to connect the interests of your employer and colleagues with your extracurricular activities. Sports and fitness are great for this. And there are also relatively exotic types of leisure, for example, horseback riding or hippotherapy. The main thing is that you achieve the goal - you show that you are busy.
Moreover, the method works in almost all areas when they try to apply a consumer attitude to you - from additional workload to asking for a loan. You show that you are busy, have plans and expenses, and you have no time for those who want to solve their problems at your expense.
Your own planning and foresight will give you additional confidence. Before you act actively, analyze the situation: answer the questions for yourself - what will happen in this or that case and how will you act.
It would not be superfluous to have (to prepare) an alternative place of work. It would not be superfluous to visit the boss and, having brought to him in a simple and understandable, visual form your portfolio, opportunities and background of achievements, offer to consider this.
Expert: Andrey Kashkarov
