Man is a social being, but nevertheless each of us needs personal space, otherwise we risk losing our personality and completely dissolving into the people around us.
Anna Zhustal, a psychologist and author of the self-development book “Inevitable Happiness,” explained what personal space is, how to define its boundaries, and how to maintain it.
What is personal space
Personal space includes two main concepts.
Physical personal space is a specific territory in the larger world that belongs to a specific person.
Most often, by such space we mean our room, bed, desk, place for clothes in the closet. And even a personal cup is also part of personal territory.
In addition, this concept includes a certain distance, measured in centimeters or meters (in some cases even kilometers!), at which a person is comfortable communicating with other people. It is believed that only the closest people can cross a distance of 50 cm, for the rest, the optimal distance is considered to be about one and a half meters.
The concept of "emotional personal space" is more complex. It includes our thoughts, interests, rules, values, goals and dreams. Violation of boundaries is usually considered to be situations when another person begins to impose their ideas about how you should be.
And your ideas are devalued. For example, the wife really likes boxing, but the husband thinks that this non-feminine sport is not suitable for her and persistently suggests replacing the hobby with knitting classes or a dance club.
How to define the boundaries of space
Only the person himself can determine the boundaries of his emotional personal space. People with a normal level of self-esteem, as a rule, have much wider boundaries.
They accept criticism calmly, do not succumb to manipulation and continue to follow their own path, despite attempts at provocation.
People with low self-esteem have narrower boundaries. Their unprocessed psychological traumas do not allow them to calmly react to other people's attempts to participate in their lives. As a rule, the boundary violator deliberately presses on the person's weak points in order to evoke emotions.
For example, a young mother reacts violently to her mother-in-law's constant attempts to interfere and teach her how to feed, dress and raise a child. She zealously defends the boundaries because she has an internal insecurity that she is a good enough mother.
How to Maintain Personal Space Boundaries
It is really necessary to maintain and protect your boundaries, otherwise there is a risk that the other person (even if it is a spouse) will finally settle into someone else's territory, and you will begin to live by his rules of life, and not your own. What should be done for this?
First of all, pause, listen and feel yourself, understand your desires. In this way, you will determine the dimensions of your space.
When you see that someone is re-shaping your personal territory and causing you discomfort, you need to explain to the person that such actions are unpleasant to you. Perhaps the person simply does not know where your boundaries begin.
For example, a subscriber left a comment criticizing your new hairstyle. Calmly tell him that it was your choice of haircut and it does not need to be discussed. Another example: your husband decides for you what clothes to wear.
Explain to him that you do not feel comfortable in what he chooses for you, and that you will determine how you look yourself. Speaking out loud the conditions of coexistence can solve many problems that arise around the topic of protection and preservation of personal space.
