Characteristics of low self-esteem.
Elena Katsyuba , psychologist and psychosomatologist, told which people find it more difficult to refuse a request.
In modern society, the number of people with low self-esteem has increased. A person who has a low level of self-acceptance is very critical of the world.
He evaluates absolutely any person he meets on his way, assigning them to some category - this one is smart, and this one is stupid, this one is strong, and this one is weak. People simply do not exist in his world.
A person is sure that if he evaluates people, then it is completely logical that they evaluate him and form an opinion about him. At the same time, he understands that he himself does not measure up to the criteria and ideals he himself has invented.
This depresses him and makes him work endlessly on self-improvement, and still not reach a satisfying level.
Low self-esteem and fear of saying "no"
The inability to say no to an inconvenient request is directly related to low self-esteem. Refusal is an action that does not cause a positive reaction, and a person is afraid to upset the person asking and become bad in his eyes. He remembers that he is not perfect anyway.
A person builds the consequences of his actions in a chain, catastrophizing them to a fatal outcome. How does this happen? For example, the boss suggested additional work that needs to be done after work.
The man has neither the strength (he had a busy workday) nor the opportunity (he promised to play with the children in the evening), but he is afraid to refuse, since in this case he will be known as a disloyal and lazy worker.
And he won't see a promotion then, or he'll be fired altogether. If he loses his job, he won't be able to provide for his family, everything will go downhill and end in death.
Another option. A friend invited her to a party with friends. There is no desire to have fun today, but the person is afraid to refuse, because in this case the friend will be upset, offended and stop inviting her to visit.
We will gradually grow apart, I will lose my friend, I will be left alone. In the end, I will die alone, unwanted by anyone.
How to learn to refuse
First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem and self-confidence. Most likely, you will need the help of a specialist to remove internal attitudes that make you treat the world around you with fear and mistrust.
In specific situations where you need to decide whether to say no or not, I suggest that you first listen to yourself and your emotions to understand what you really want. It will be easier to make a decision if you determine in advance what things are unacceptable to you.
If you still have difficulty saying no, soberly and logically assess the consequences: what will happen if you say “no”.
Most likely, you will see that the degree of risk is low and does not pose any threat to your life - a reasoned refusal to do additional work will not affect your position in the company.
And then imagine the positive consequences - but I will be able to rest today and devote enough time to the child. This will help you make the right decision with more confidence.
