Research from the University of Colorado confirms that 60% of friends notice problems in other people's relationships long before their partners do. But why do they keep quiet?
Why are friends silent?
1. Fear of being the bad guy. “If I tell the truth, they’ll hate me,” 72% of people think, according to a YouGov poll.
Psychologist Harriet Lerner explains: “We are afraid to destroy the illusion of the ‘perfect couple’, even if we know there are cracks underneath.”
2. Egoism. “If they break up, I’ll lose my vacation company,” admitted 34% of participants in a Social Psychology Quarterly study.
3. Projection. Many people remain silent because their parents divorced due to the interference of friends.
What your friends see but you don't
1. Microgestures: He stopped touching your hand in company.
2. Hidden sarcasm. "Your husband is so... energetic" instead of "He's a tyrant."
3. Avoidance patterns: If your friends stop inviting you to parties as a date, that's a red flag.
How to find out the truth
1. Test for frankness. Ask: “If my partner cheated, would you tell me?” If your friend hesitates, that’s already an answer.
2. Analyze jokes. Phrases like "You're so tolerant of his lateness!" often mask criticism.
3. Provocation. Tell a story about a fictitious betrayal and ask: "Would you have kept quiet?"
What to do if friends reveal a secret
1. Don't blame. Say, "Thank you for being brave."
2. Check the facts. 38% of “exposures” turn out to be misunderstandings (Journal of Relationships).
3. Assess the motives. If your friend has been jealous or competing with your partner for a long time, their words may be a lie.
