How to Conduct an Argument and Avoid Personal Attacks - Advice from a Psychologist

In arguments, especially when sensitive or personal topics are discussed, it is easy to slide into conflicts and stop hearing each other.

Getting personal often leads to the destruction of relationships, making constructive dialogue impossible.

An important aspect of successful debate is to focus on the substance of the issue rather than on the personality of the other person.

This requires active listening skills, the ability to formulate your thoughts, and a sense of the boundaries of respectful communication. It is also worth remembering that every point of view has a right to exist, and being open to the opinions of others can significantly enrich our own view of the problem.

In this text, together with psychologist Ksenia Matur, we will consider effective strategies that will help you conduct disputes with dignity, avoiding personal attacks and maintaining focus on the issues under discussion.

The most important thing to understand is that arguing is good. In arguing, truth is born and relationships deepen. In arguing, we can get to know ourselves and each other better, so to speak, from different sides.

But, unfortunately, many are afraid of disputes, conflicts and showdowns. Simply because they do not know how to do it effectively and safely for all participants.

The main rule that allows you to argue and not destroy the relationship is to talk about yourself, your feelings, your interests. Say that this is your opinion, your desire, your interests.

Avoid being categorical, such as: "It should be exactly like this! It's right! Everyone does it!" Say: "I think so, my opinion, I think so, I feel sad about it, it seems so to me."

Categorical and aggressive insistence on one's rightness causes confrontation and aggression in people. And when you speak about your opinion, you do not oppose yourself to others, do not devalue another person, but speak about your opinion and interests.

Second: learn to hear and respect other people's opinions. Remember that there are as many opinions as there are people. And every person has the right to their own opinion, even if it differs from your opinion or the opinion of the majority.

Each person has their own life experience, their own picture of the world and their own opinion on any situation. Therefore, another person can see the situation from a different side than you.

Third - no matter how much you are outraged by the position and opinion of another person - you disagree with his opinion and position, and not with the person himself. Therefore, try not to resort to personal attacks, to insulting your opponent. Try not to mix the opinion and position of a person with his personality.

You may not agree with him, but this does not make the person bad or your enemy. Therefore, you should not resort to insults, humiliation and evaluation of the person himself, this will only lead to conflict and spoiled relationships.

When starting any argument, it is important to understand what its goal is. Is it so important for you to determine the truth, or is it important for you to simply be right and win the argument. The second goal always entails the senselessness of arguments and does not benefit any of the participants in this process.

It happens that a person likes to argue, and he enters into all sorts of confrontations for the sake of the argument itself, gets pleasure from it. It is not advisable to argue with such people at all, since this argument will always be meaningless and energy-consuming for you.