How to convince a man to start a family with children

A man is not a Pithecanthropus and is not deprived of the ability to think and analyze.

True, not always and not everyone shows this clearly at the initial stage of acquaintance. When creating a couple, adaptation of the characters and experience of the partners is inevitable.

This is why one is never to blame and two people improve their relationships based on attentiveness to the other’s wishes, compromise and, most importantly, patience with the other’s shortcomings, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .

Reasons for reluctance

While everyone deserves and desires personal and family happiness, there are several common (typical) reasons for not wanting to start a family and have children. They can be divided into two groups: a partner’s failure to meet expectations and one’s own lack of confidence, or what one can influence and what cannot be influenced, or, in other words, internal and external communication problems.

A man’s lack of confidence in his partner – individual characteristic qualities and patterns of behavior of his partner, subjectively perceived (evaluated) by the man, do not correspond to his personal expectations.

A man's own development goals and "future visions" do not correspond at a particular moment in time to the perspective that is hidden behind his family status in marriage with a particular woman. In other words, a narcissistic desire - he wants to live "for himself".

Personal characteristics also come into play here: for some, child-orientation is clearly expressed (including from the experience of parents, i.e., the demographic characteristics of upbringing and the example of parents influence), for others, children are not the main desire and definition of family happiness.

Moreover, having many children in a parental family is not necessarily inherited – due to the experienced characteristics and difficulties of growing up, often the opposite is true.

Lack of confidence in one's own capabilities - we live in a society and constantly evaluate the role of ourselves and others - in interaction. From here, comparative "disadvantages" can arise - material and non-, increasing uncertainty, discrepancy with the typical role of a specific man, accepted in society.

All the reasons are conditionally united by personal preferences (goal setting orientation) and past imperfect experience of interaction with a woman.

Fear of choice

Any choice is a competition between calm and anxiety. The correctness of the choice is determined by the result.

Which is invisible exactly. The choice between where you are now and were yesterday, and where you want to be tomorrow.

Every time we are faced with a choice, we must remember that we have only two options: a choice in favor of the past or in favor of the future. With the "future" the situation is special, because by choosing the future, we choose anxiety.

This is not only a male, but also a “slowing” aspect regardless of gender.

How to convince to start a family

In marriage, the most important thing is patience. Not criticism of shortcomings or the desire to "re-educate a man" (to which some women mistakenly gravitate), but a change in one's own reactions or at least a sincere increase in attention to the partner, but especially: it is not about gifts or "compromise", but about creating an image of indispensability.

If you become irreplaceable in your qualities and behavior, the man himself will offer you to create and develop a family and raise children together.

From specific examples in connection with the peculiarities of men's representation - he must feel himself "the main one", that is, an influencing object, and for that it is not so much "submission" that is important, as the creation on your part for him of an aura of the only important and irreplaceable person in life, specifically - for you and for society he should become not criticized, but the only one and in all difficult circumstances "right" and "valuable".

In private you can argue, but always remain the "rear", "support" or "hope". If against him, in

in particular, neighbors gossip or he is subjected to difficulties, persecution, criticism of another meaning (even well-deserved), it is necessary to demonstrate your feelings, love and acceptance of him in every possible way - in all cases, to share the difficulties that arise. Criticism behind his back, typically coming from relatives or other interested parties, is especially harmful. This is felt in communication, and is unacceptable.

If this is "your man", you must stand up for him. Actualize, popularize, develop and appreciate his best qualities in every possible way.

Everyone has them. As well as individuality. Do not judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. This does not mean "working for him", including encouraging dependency or infantilism, but only shows that you will not abandon him under any circumstances. He must be sure of this, then the desire to appreciate arises.

Unfortunately, there are now quite a lot of counter examples, because even these simple ones are difficult to implement.

recommendations for many is almost an impossible task. In addition, high feelings for a man are important, which is impossible by order or in light of methodological recommendations. If they are there, things go smoothly, when not, there is nothing to be surprised about.

Another controversial, but suitable for some, recommendation is to show yourself. Create (in fact) a dangerous situation (or do not distance yourself from it) and help him out. Men value this very much, as well as true friendship and nobility. There can be many options. This is how the “chemistry” of high feelings is strengthened and becomes unforgettable.

If he remains adamant

The man's "inflexibility" has specific reasons. It is impossible to force communication or to build a future together for either men or women. It is necessary to change (both women and men) themselves,

and not the other. The other will positively change himself. If he feels your value in his life and - again - irreplaceability. Numerous and well-known recommendations of "psychologists" on all issues of the universe, including personal relationships, are theoretically good, but they run into the problems of specific people and circumstances.

How, really, can one answer – is it worth staying with such a man – generalizing all cases in the world? Unthinkable. For some it is worth it, for others it is not. “Your man” or not – that is the question.

One of the general and almost universal recommendations is to understand that for “everyone his path is straight”, “no one likes betrayal of interests and criticism”, especially adultery, there is no need to “play” any roles, but if you love, then endure.

As it has been rightly noted: "an unbelieving man is saved by a believing woman" (it is not about the Holy Scripture). You can do otherwise, because the choice is wide, but we recommend sometimes recalling the words from the song by V. Butusov (group "Nautilus Pompilius") - "if we cannot live together today, then who will love you tomorrow?"

The problem of modern society is that both sides try to “play”, provoke or experiment with different results, increasing the diverse experience; but not happiness, in the end there is a lot of experience, searching, destroyed destinies and families.

Because you still need to change yourself. And in your expectations too. Patience is the main thing for long-term relationships for both men and women. No one is better than the other, no one is perfect, so excessive hopes or expectations should be moderated.