Imagine: you are arguing with your partner, and in the heat of emotion you say words that seem to have long since become a cliché.
But what if they are the main reason for 90% of divorces?
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that conflicts in couples are rarely related to specific issues. They are more often provoked by universal phrases that turn dialogue into war.
Psychologist John Gottman , author of the book
"The Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse" singled out the expression "You shall never..." as critically dangerous.
"The words 'never' or 'always' create an effect of absolute hopelessness," Gottman explains. "The partner feels that their efforts are not seen and mistakes are exaggerated."
Psychology Today magazine confirms that such generalizations increase the risk of divorce by 67%, as they block the possibility of constructive dialogue.
"After the fifth 'You never help with the kids' I just stopped trying," shares an anonymous Reddit respondent.
Similar reviews are found in every second story of broken couples.
Therapist Esther Perel, in an interview with The Guardian, emphasizes that such phrases are “emotional grenades.” They do not solve the problem, but rather shift the focus to protecting one’s own dignity.
How to avoid the trap? Experts advise replacing accusations with "I-statements".
Instead of "You never listen," say "It's important to me that we discuss this."
This approach, according to Harvard Business Review , reduces the level of conflict in couples by 40%. Check: perhaps this phrase is quietly undermining your relationship. Speak consciously - or risk becoming part of the sad statistics.
