The heightened interest that people have in their partner's past romantic and sexual life even has a scientific name: retrospective or retroactive jealousy.
But even without the help of scientists, one can understand that it poses a serious threat to the relationship.
To get rid of jealousy about the past, you need to, first of all, acknowledge your feelings - convince yourself that such emotions are absolutely normal and do not make you a bad person, but are explained by a completely logical desire to be the only one.
Ask yourself what it is that excites you – maybe it’s not who your boyfriend or girlfriend dated, but what kind of person he or she was back then. Or maybe you’re interested in what your partner finds attractive and what annoys them? Think about it.
Try to realize that the past is just the past. The relationship that was before you is over and has nothing to do with you.
And to look more realistically at your lover’s past, psychology doctor and Yale University professor Robert Leahy advises saying the following phrases to yourself more often:
"I shouldn't be the only person my partner ever desires."
"Just because my partner enjoyed sex with someone else doesn't mean he'll go back to his ex."
"My partner's warm memories do not threaten our relationship. All people mentally return to positive experiences, this is normal."
Previously, we talked about what open relationships are, their consequences and who agrees to them.
