In our practice, we often meet couples whose family life is in crisis. And it never happens by chance and has certain reasons that are deeply rooted in the psyche of one, but more often both spouses.
Psychologist Ilya Mikheev told how to cope with jealousy.
There are couples that formed as a result of a decision based on goals and plans that are in no way connected with love and sympathy for the chosen one.
Obviously, a bomb was planted under such a marriage from the very beginning, which cannot but explode. It is difficult to help such couples, who often have children, but it is possible.
To do this, it is necessary first of all to go back some time and understand why the natural desire to love and be loved (beloved) turned out to be subordinate to other aspirations. After that, this couple needs to be helped to find a new meaning for their life together.
It is much easier to help couples who created a family out of love and at the beginning of their relationship experienced happiness from the fact that they were together, but then something broke.
I would like to say right away that breaking up a family in which there was a period of joy, but then a crisis occurred, without turning to a psychologist is a very unreasonable decision.
Indeed, during family life, old traumas are activated, areas of tension in the psyche are discovered, special sensitivity and vulnerability to certain events, circumstances of the spouses’ lives, strong attitudes and semantic constructs are discovered that can poison family life.
As a rule, our psyche is formed in childhood.
Therefore, breaking up a family without trying to defuse these time bombs, planted in the psyche even before the couple met, is a very hasty and completely unjustified decision.
A crisis in family relationships can occur as a result of pathological jealousy of one of the spouses. Pathological jealousy is jealousy that has no basis.
What is the reason for this very strong and extremely painful feeling? A person who experiences it can commit a monstrous crime, according to statistics, every eighth murder is committed out of jealousy.
Sometimes people who experience it check their phone, spy on their spouse, throw huge scandals over a meaningless like and, finding no reason for their jealousy, turn to private detectives.
And when the detective does not find any justifiable reasons for jealousy, they try to send a seducer to their partner so that there are reasons for jealousy. Obviously, in this situation we are dealing with tension in the jealous person's mental apparatus, he is tormented by mental pain, the reasons for which are unknown to him, but they exist.
Jealousy. Let's take a closer look at this feeling and try to experience it. What do we feel? We feel resentment. Jealousy is, first of all, resentment based on a feeling of rejection.
The pain of resentment could have settled in a very young psyche in circumstances that have long been forgotten. Perhaps the child inadequately or overly emotionally perceived a harmless situation that had long been repressed from his consciousness.
But the feeling remains. And around this painful feeling, important structures of a person's personality are built. His meanings, motives, values.
A person may not be aware of his resentment and carry it in the form of jealousy into his family, bringing it down on his spouse, projecting it onto a person who has nothing to do with its formation.
Retraumatization of childhood resentment in the form of jealousy, an attempt to experience it again and again, indicates a desire to get rid of it and find a way out of it.
Pathological jealousy is, first of all, a childish resentment. That is why it contains so much that is infantile, irrational, passionate and cannot be rationally explained.
It is possible and necessary to help such people, but perhaps they will need the help of a qualified psychologist who can help them understand the reasons for jealousy and remove this splinter from the heart of the jealous person.
