Most people do not perceive quarrels in marriage as a destructive factor in relationships, because lovers quarrel only to make up.
Psychologist Katerina Buldaeva told how quarrels affect marriage.
This is how people are used to thinking and not noticing the negative impact that quarrels have not only on relationships within a couple, but also on the psycho-emotional state of each partner.
Any quarrel causes distress in a person.
If stress is usually understood as a state of a person in which he experiences some negative influence from the outside, but has enough strength and resources to adapt to unfavorable external factors and overcome some consequences, thereby making himself stronger and more conscious, then distress destroys and oppresses a person.
It is the opposite of healthy stress, when a person finds himself in an unpleasant situation and does not have the vital energy and strength to adapt properly.
It is precisely this destructive and depressing state that is caused by quarrels not only in marriage, but in any relationship.
We are not robots, we are all living beings, and of course we cannot completely isolate ourselves from conflicts, disagreements and misunderstandings that arise. Quarrels happen, and that is normal.
They were, are and always will be in our lives.
The most important task is to bring any conflict into a constructive direction so that the adaptation to external circumstances occurs and so that the positive impact of stress on the human body does not flow into a state of distress.
As a rule, quarrels become a way of expressing one’s emotional state.
In the midst of quarrels, many begin to humiliate and insult their partners, touch on their most sensitive areas, mention relatives and show a high level of aggression, they may even throw something at the wall or use other physical force.
Naturally, such quarrels leave a deep imprint on a person’s psyche.
Not every partner will be able to accept and forgive such a display of emotions. From a psychological point of view, expressing your emotions and feelings is important and necessary, they cannot be suppressed, but it is equally important to do this ecologically not only in relation to yourself, but also to your partner.
An exception may be couples in which a violent outburst of negative emotions during a quarrel leads to a peak of passions during the reconciliation process.
For example, to get maximum pleasure in sex, they need to have a very strong fight in order to get vivid sensations in contrast during reconciliation.
But if such a desire for contrasting sensations becomes a constant phenomenon in everyday life, then it is worth considering how healthy this relationship is.
This attitude can become ingrained, and couples can no longer have sex unless they have had a fight beforehand.
The foundation of any relationship is built on understanding, mutual respect and the ability to hear and understand your partner.
All people are different, and love unions are often formed from people who are different from each other. However, you can be completely different people, but be able to talk, communicate, discuss and negotiate.
In this case, any quarrel will be perceived not as a problem and a catastrophe, but as a task and an opportunity to convey your point of view, hear an alternative one and find a compromise solution.
