On the surface, it may seem that most modern men are indifferent to the relationships they are in.
In a masculine company, you can hear disdainful phrases like: "I don't really need this." As for the Internet, at every step you come across self-confident comments about independence from women, about the variability of choice, etc. Only this is false. None of them are in a hurry to break off relations, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky .
The benefits of living together
They are free to say whatever they want. But there are a number of reasons why bragging remains their thing.
- Whatever the woman is, living with her gives comfort and warmth. Often the refrigerator is full, the clothes are washed, and the socks magically always lie in the same place.
- Family is support, a feeling of a reliable rear, the knowledge that you are loved. The memory of the once oppressive loneliness evaporates.
- Family is a source of constant benefits. All advantages are given for free. Any short-term relationship has to be paid for. Whereas legal marriage excludes the search for a partner, spending on romance and a pleasant end to the evening. Here everything is free.
- And lastly, heartfelt motives: feelings or passionate desire.
The reasons described above motivate men to stay with a woman as long as possible. But what do they do for this?
Devaluation
Imagine the situation. A beautiful girl enjoys life. She has great friends, a good job, and no end of men. At one point she has to make a choice, and, alas, it turns out to be unsuccessful. At first everything is fine, but then her mind tells her that only she loves, and he neglects her.
This is what happens on his part: there are no feelings, no dignity to let the person go either. It's convenient for him! Why lose it! The man turns on devaluation and instills in the girl: "You are nobody without me! Nobody will even look at you!"
A vulnerable woman's heart begins to believe this, forgetting that it was he who was that "nobody" without her. She is stronger, more reasonable and more adequate. She is undermined by devaluation, and there is no way to believe otherwise.
Adequate people do not allow this to happen. A loving person lets go of someone he is no longer able to bring joy to. He does not turn his partner into a victim of his own violence.
This is why the soulless desire to be in constant comfort, warmth and free satisfaction of physiological needs provokes a series of devaluing phrases:
- Be glad that I chose you.
- Without me you will be nothing.
- Nobody will look at you.
- You are a worthless wife and mother, etc.
Run as fast as you can
This raises the question: "Why are you living with such a terrible woman?" The answer is simple - because after the breakup, he will be the one left alone, since no one will fall for cheap tricks.
Devaluation is just the beginning. Then it develops into abuse and gaslighting – severe forms of psychological violence. Such unions are held together by women’s patience. Only a few, having sensed danger, break off the relationship irrevocably. But the majority endure, hope and believe that their men will become loving and caring again. Only this hope is false… It will never happen.
Abuse and gaslighting have become extremely public now. Many people know the signs of their manifestation. Therefore, at the first sign, you need to erase the person from your life forever.
