Everyone understands the difference between a jealous person and a zealous person.
Psychologist Maria Nikolaeva told how to deal with jealousy.
Both are driven by the same energy, which comes from the desire to be the best chosen one, but it is applied in different ways.
In essence, the fight against jealousy involves redirecting efforts to how exactly to remain the one and only, irreplaceable by anyone else, the most desired and coveted object of love.
A jealous person tries to fight external competition by eliminating rivals in one way or another, forcibly forcing his chosen one to look only at me and be only with me.
If his attention switches to someone else, then both are blamed - both the partner and his new object of interest. And then a fight on two fronts begins: to remove the rival and control the partner.
A zealous person is obsessed with self-improvement and creating well-being for everyone around him, especially for the person he loves most.
He naturally creates an atmosphere that allows you to feel most comfortable with him, so that you don’t want to go anywhere else or even look at anyone else. He attracts like a magnet, causing admiration with every action, gesture and word.
The problem is that many people try to keep their partner by trying to become better, imitating their rivals in appearance.
For example, if your spouse is interested in a blonde, then you should immediately change your hair color to satisfy his search for something new and switch his attention back to yourself. As a rule, it is not about hair color or manner of dressing, which is why such tactics of a jealous woman are obviously losing.
It is a hopeless idea to demand that your rival leave. If you yourself are no longer attractive, then even by eliminating your rival, you will hardly return your partner's fading interest. Do not forget that there are eight billion people on earth, and if you remove one, someone else will take his place, but again, not you.
If you are the most beloved, then no billions will take away a devoted person from you.
Attempts to deliberately surround your partner with increased attention, trying to please him in everything, fulfilling the slightest desire, so that he feels good only with you and does not want to leave, will also be very one-sided.
Sometimes this works, but more often it leads to the final devaluation of your personality, which becomes something like a faceless servant, part of a comfortable environment that does not have its own opinion.
Zealous conquest of ever new heights in self-realization, if it excludes caring for a loved one, will also be a one-sided decision that may captivate at first, but then will force you to seek closer and warmer relationships with someone else.
A partner is not an eternal admirer; he expects reciprocity and equal respect for his own interests, help in his affairs, and then the appearance of a “third” is inevitable.
So, transforming jealousy into zeal must involve both sides in order to create an unbreakable integrity in the relationship with the partner.
From such a solid core, you turn to all other people who might previously have caused you jealous suspicions. When you are confident in your partner, you do not waste energy on endlessly winning him or her back from everyone, but invest it in a happy life.
Of course, abstract ideals are difficult to put into practice in real life, especially in complicated, complex situations where deception and betrayal are also possible, and jealousy sometimes has completely objective grounds for suspicion of betrayal.
If you can't cope with the situation on your own, it always makes sense to contact a psychologist to work through it. And don't be afraid to look the truth in the eye, perhaps it's high time for you to just break up, and not continue to be jealous endlessly.
