These are the so-called peaks of the most intense and difficult stages of family life.
First year of marriage
This year can be challenging as it is a transitional year. Some couples who have lived together for some time before marriage may find this year easy as they have adapted well to this life situation.
However, there is still a significant difference in the degree of commitment that marriage brings to a relationship.
Yes, you may still be in the honeymoon phase, but after 10 or 11 months of marriage, the reality of married life sets in. You have to figure out issues related to finances, career, joint purchases, etc.
Taking care of the home and other living expenses such as food and utilities, as well as maintaining a life-work balance may be some of the challenges you will face together as a couple.
Moreover, the year (and months) leading up to the wedding is usually the most stressful. Wedding planning interferes with your daily life.
There's also the "post-wedding anti-climax," when you've both worked so hard to prepare for the big day, and then you have to plan your honeymoon. And just a few weeks later, you have to go back to your normal life.
If you haven't bought a house or apartment yet, this is a good time to think about it at this stage of your marriage. House or apartment hunting is stressful for any couple. You should think about saving up for a down payment and finding a mortgage provider.
You will also have to juggle other living expenses while saving for a home as a couple. Improving your credit score becomes a challenge as it will impact whether you can afford to buy a home or qualify for a loan.
Third and fifth year
The third and fifth years will present some challenges, as it is usually at this stage that couples decide to have children or already have children and are trying to combine household responsibilities and work.
Dividing your attention and energy between work, meeting the needs of children, household chores, etc. can be exhausting.
It is at this stage that most couples consider buying a bigger house to accommodate children and experience a decline in their sex life. Many couples who feel depressed at this stage may consider divorce.
Almost 20% of divorces occur within the first five years. Common reasons for problems during this period include divided attention, poor communication, disagreements over responsibilities, overbearing relatives, and conflicting life plans.
Another study found that over 67.5% of marriages end in divorce due to poor communication, followed by the inability to resolve problems at 43%. However, if you have made it through this stage, it means that your marriage has become much stronger because you have learned to solve problems together, successfully plan your family, and share financial responsibilities.
Seventh and eighth year
While the popular belief about the "7-year itch" is certainly unprovable, it is at least an interesting theory because it is supported by data. The average length of a first marriage for men is 7.8 years, and for women it is 7.9 years.
A second marriage is not that far away: on average 7.3 years for men and 6.8 years for women. What happens during this time that leads to the breakup of a marriage? A lot, actually.
At this time, the couple is no longer as passionately involved with each other as before. Not to mention the additional stress associated with work and raising children.
For most couples, this is the stage when they start sending their children to school and their daily routine - sending and picking up the children from school, commuting to and from work - becomes too monotonous and uninteresting.
Boredom kills romance at this stage of marriage. People often feel stuck in a rut and don't know when their monotonous lives will change. As a result, they become unhappy, dissatisfied, and distant from each other.
A changed sex life is another factor; raising children, pursuing careers, and achieving goals can get in the way of intimacy. Although both still think (and fantasize) about having great sex, it won't happen as often as they'd like.
And less sex can lead to a breakdown in a love relationship.
Fortunately, couples who make it past the seventh and eighth years of marriage should have longer, happier relationships.
Final thoughts
The most difficult years of marriage are the first, third, fifth, and seventh or eighth. As stated earlier, lack of communication and unrealistic expectations are the ultimate relationship killers. However, finding solutions and working through the ups and downs will strengthen the relationship.
The age of the Internet and the social taboo against discussing marital problems make life difficult for couples, especially young couples who want their relationship to look "perfect" to others. However, there is no shame in admitting that you are both struggling to cope with (and juggle) multiple responsibilities. Couples need to understand that talking about these difficult times does not mean you regret getting married.
So talk to your partner and talk to someone who can help improve your relationship. Don't wait until everything falls apart and collapses before you try to save your marriage.
