Often at the beginning of a relationship we hear loud phrases from partners: “I love you.” But is it really that love that is being talked about here?
Psychologist Tatyana Sorokina explained how falling in love differs from love.
Love is a deep feeling that characterizes unconditional acceptance of a partner. Unconditional means I accept you without any conditions.
But, unfortunately, most people consider this impossible. After all, each of us sooner or later has complaints about our partner.
When those "rose-colored glasses" fall off, we begin to see the real person, without illusions, masks and romantic flair, thanks to which we saw our companion as "ideal". And this is normal.
After all, falling in love is a strong, fleeting feeling, in which there is a distorted perception of your partner. All shortcomings are perceived as something insignificant, and positive traits, on the contrary, enhance their effect.
It's all about the hormones that are produced at this stage of falling in love - dopamine and endorphin. They are the ones who make us feel calm, peaceful, protected, and most importantly - enjoy being with our partner.
But this stage of the relationship is temporary. It can last from 3 weeks to a couple of years, depending on the personal characteristics of both partners and the process of development of their relationship.
What happens next? To answer this question, I suggest considering the main stages of relationship development.
Sympathy
At this stage, we have a desire to please the chosen partner. Interest in appearance, behavior, physical attractiveness appears.
Love
A reaction characterized by "butterflies in the stomach." We feel a certain tremor throughout the body, a desire to be close to the chosen companion, frequent elation, and admiration for all the actions of the chosen one.
Satiation, the emergence of doubts
This is the stage when we suddenly discover that our partner has flaws. The “ideal image” of the object of admiration collapses. And here we begin to study the chosen one as a person. We ask ourselves questions – what do I really like about him/her? Am I ready to put up with his/her flaws? Do I want to continue building a strong relationship with him/her?
Developing Respect. Focus on Yourself
At this stage, we remember ourselves again. We shift the focus of attention to our life, hobbies, needs. We study ourselves and our behavior in the context of relationships with a partner. We learn the desires, goals and needs of the chosen one. Respect for life and the very personality of the person with whom we live is born.
Love
That very deep feeling where there is an understanding that we are two separate individuals with our own interests, beliefs, and we are ready to share each other’s feelings and live many years together with respect and acceptance.
As you can see, love and being in love are completely different feelings. Which differ:
- transience;
- speed of occurrence;
- sensory component, in other words, the perception of the partner.
But there is good news: throughout a lasting love, you can recreate the stage of falling in love, adding novelty to your relationship.
